What would you do if someone HANDED you a LOAD OF CASH???
Are bills piling up?
Can't find the money for your next sneaker payment?
TURN YOUR UNWANTED TOPPS GOLD INSERTS INTO CASH!!!!
Gold is worth more than ever!
And we're paying TOP DOLLAR!!!
We're the ToppsGoldInserts4Cash Experts! Located at Main Street and Sycamore, next to the liquor store and across from Quiznos, we offer higher prices than ANY of our competitors!!!
We'll buy ANYTHING!!!
Unwanted Mickey Mantle gold inserts!!!
An Ernie Banks insert that you never look at anymore!!!
We'll even take your broken inserts and turn them into CASH!!!!
Come on! You've got all these gold inserts just laying around the house!!
(*Testimonial from a young woman who looks like she just got out of a dysfunctional relationship, but doesn't look like she's reading off a cue card AT ALL: "I handed in my Derek Jeter gold insert given to me by my first husband one month ago ... and I GOT CASH!!!!!!!)
That's right! We'll give you cash for your LAME JETER INSERTS!!!
We pay you the best possible prices for ALL of your lame Topps gold inserts, scrap Topps gold inserts, even those scrap gold coins that Topps is trying to pawn off on collectors! We buy it ALL!!!!
Some companies pay you only one-third of the value of your belongings. But we understand what these gold inserts are worth to you. We'll pay you for them in one business day!!!
So come on down to our convenient location. Our gold experts will meet you in one of our private, secure booths. Satisfaction guaranteed! ... Or host a gold inserts party in your home!! In front of witnesses!!!!
What are you crazy? Don't get ripped off putting your Topps gold inserts through the mail!!! You may never see your money or your inserts again!!!!
Come on down to Main Street and Sycamore! Across from Quiznos!!!!!!
Or go to: gold4lameToppsinsertsthisisnotarealwebsiteaddress.com
GET CASH FOR YOUR WORTHLESS INSERTS!!!!
(Disclaimer: This is not a real commercial or a real offer. I don't want your stupid gold inserts, keep your dirty gold inserts to yourself. Yes, I really ripped up an Alex Rodriguez gold insert. I told you I'd do something nasty to the card. It's lucky that's all I did).