Skip to main content

Unwanted Topps gold inserts? We pay top dollar

ATTENTION!!!!

What would you do if someone HANDED you a LOAD OF CASH???

Are bills piling up?

Can't find the money for your next sneaker payment?

TURN YOUR UNWANTED TOPPS GOLD INSERTS INTO CASH!!!!


Gold is worth more than ever!

And we're paying TOP DOLLAR!!!

We're the ToppsGoldInserts4Cash Experts! Located at Main Street and Sycamore, next to the liquor store and across from Quiznos, we offer higher prices than ANY of our competitors!!!

We'll buy ANYTHING!!!


Unwanted Mickey Mantle gold inserts!!!


An Ernie Banks insert that you never look at anymore!!!


We'll even take your broken inserts and turn them into CASH!!!!

Come on! You've got all these gold inserts just laying around the house!!



(*Testimonial from a young woman who looks like she just got out of a dysfunctional relationship, but doesn't look like she's reading off a cue card AT ALL: "I handed in my Derek Jeter gold insert given to me by my first husband one month ago ... and I GOT CASH!!!!!!!)


That's right! We'll give you cash for your LAME JETER INSERTS!!!

We pay you the best possible prices for ALL of your lame Topps gold inserts, scrap Topps gold inserts, even those scrap gold coins that Topps is trying to pawn off on collectors! We buy it ALL!!!!

Some companies pay you only one-third of the value of your belongings. But we understand what these gold inserts are worth to you. We'll pay you for them in one business day!!!


So come on down to our convenient location. Our gold experts will meet you in one of our private, secure booths. Satisfaction guaranteed! ... Or host a gold inserts party in your home!! In front of witnesses!!!!


What are you crazy? Don't get ripped off putting your Topps gold inserts through the mail!!! You may never see your money or your inserts again!!!!

Come on down to Main Street and Sycamore! Across from Quiznos!!!!!!

It's easy.

Or go to: gold4lameToppsinsertsthisisnotarealwebsiteaddress.com


GET CASH FOR YOUR WORTHLESS INSERTS!!!!

NOW!!!!!


(Disclaimer: This is not a real commercial or a real offer. I don't want your stupid gold inserts, keep your dirty gold inserts to yourself. Yes, I really ripped up an Alex Rodriguez gold insert. I told you I'd do something nasty to the card. It's lucky that's all I did).

Comments

Cool Breeze said…
Tooooooo Funny...and thanks for ripping the Payrod,hate him.
On another note,i'll take all of your Ryans!!!!
hiflew said…
This is one of the funniest blog posts I have ever seen. "next to the liquor store and across from Quiznos" just had me rolling.

BTW, in my town next to the liquor store and across from Quizno's is Hooters. Also filled with shiny stuff that deep down isn't real. Bazinga.
Jason said…
That was hilarious. And probably the only 2012 Topps post I've read all the way to the end of.
Spankee said…
Thanks for this post. I hadn't urinated on myself in quite a while.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog at all. I could probably improve my blog by not posting and just having a link to yours.
Awesome. Really funny. I can just see the cheesy, poorly produced commercial now.
carlsonjok said…
Those gold commercials always struck me as being a rip-off. But, since both you and Glenn Beck are journalists, and you both are recommending them, they must be legit.
Stealing Home said…
"it's lucky that's all i did"...LOL
super funny stuff, bro. well done.

...and no, i won't forget about willie.
I feel better now. Laughter really is the best medicine.
Dhoff said…
Ha! I'm going to be rich, yo! You're the bomb, Nightowl. Had to share this masterpiece with the wife.
I saw a Mike Trout in that stack.
Kev said…
even though i don't share your enmity, i do think this was a great read... funny stuff!
Eric L said…
Brilliant. +1 to infinity!
TheHitKing said…
@nightowl- You SOB! I love it! i actually thought you were pullin' some sort of voodoo "give me your topps" bull S! After i read it i was laughin pretty solid. Then when I saw the ripped in half A-rod I was PUMPED! ripping, a rod in half is awesome. Do you think the german doctors can rehab it?
BASEBALL DAD said…
Has to be one of the top posts of all time !!
All you need is Crazy Eddie doing the voice-over.
Matt Runyon said…
Funny -- five minutes ago I opened my first pack of 2012 Topps and the Clemente cards was in it.
Jason T. Carter said…
Um, the link to the gold4lameToppsinsertsthisisnotarealwebsiteaddress.com website doesn't work. I checked and double-checked my spelling.

JT ..:.. thewritersjourney.wordpress.com
Stealing Home said…
LOL to JT. ummmmmmm....

its laugh out loud funny to read some of you fellow blogo's comments.

wish i could write that comedy stuff. n.o., ummmm....u outta get a gig like writing or something.
The Gooch said…
It was a funny post until I saw the torn up ARod insert. (Single Tear Down Cheek)

Popular posts from this blog

G.O.A.T, the '80s: 30-21

  I often call this current period of the television sports calendar the black hole of sports programming. The time between the end of the Super Bowl and the beginning of televised Spring Training baseball games is an empty void when I'm looking for something to watch on traditional television. I don't watch the NBA and the NHL on TV holds my interest for maybe a period. College basketball I can't watch until the tournament. This didn't used to be as much of a problem back when I could turn instead to my favorite sitcoms in February. Do you remember when February was "sweeps month"? (Maybe it still is, I don't know). Networks would make sure that every top show aired original episodes that month, no reruns. So you'd always have something to view during the week even when the sports scene was boring. (I know, people have multiple streaming viewing options now. But I find myself going weeks sometimes before I see something I want to view on Netflix or Am

The return of COMC and a ridiculous collecting quest

  For the first time in exactly a year, I received a shipment of cards from COMC last week. I wouldn't say COMC is truly back back. I did pay extra for the express shipping so I wouldn't have to wait however long we're waiting for COMC shipments these days. But the cards arrived in short fashion and it was nice to see something in the mailbox from my preferred online card site for over a decade until last year. I had waited a year to order what was in my cart. I didn't want to be one of those people who paid and then waited nine months for shipment. I mean, what if I ordered them and COMC went under? Those were the kind of questions that were floating in my head last year.   That meant that I did lose a couple of items out of my cart, but no big deal. Nothing in there was anything highly sought-after and I merely replaced whatever I lost with a new version or something else I liked. Many of my collecting interests are not high on anyone's radar, especially 2020 fli

Say hey, you guys

  One of the most significant cards in my collecting history arrived at my door today. The 1956 Topps Willie Mays card ties my formative collecting days to my current collecting existence, confirms what I believe in in this hobby, and realizes dreams from long ago I never thought possible. It also sets a couple of personal records. It is the most I've ever spent on a single card. Yet it didn't hurt my wallet nor cause any regret. In terms of a cardboard acquisition it is about as perfect as it gets. No guilt. All power and beauty. It removes a considerable road block in my quest to complete the 1956 Topps set. It was one of the Big Three that I fretted over for years. "How would I ever obtain that card?" And now it's here. I don't have to remind you that baseball legends from the 1950s (and '60s and '70s) are departing at a rapid pace. That wasn't a top consideration in landing this card. But with Willie's age (he will be 90 in May) and the way