Some cards

Some cards give me money
Some cards buy me clothes
Some cards give me jewelry
That is for someone else to own

Some cards give me zirconia diamonds
Some cards, heart attacks
Some cards I give all my bread to
I don't ever want it back

Some cards show me jewelry
Some cards show me clothes
Some cards are for children
Or at least they used to be

So give me all of your cards
Give me all your gold parallels
They won't buy a house on Zuma beach
But I'll give you some cards for you to own

Some cards take my money
Some cards take my clothes
Some cards get the shirt off my back
And leave me with a lethal dose

Yeah French cards are OPC
Italian cards are futbol
American cards are everything in the world
You can possibly imagine

English cards can be so silly
I can't stand seeing them in my online search
Sometimes I close my browser
I don't want them to show up at all

Topps cards, they're pretty funny
Sometimes they drive me mad
Panini cards just wanna f*** it up all night
I just don't have that much (attention) span

Some cards can be gentle
They're really such a tease
You never know quite what they're cookin'
Inside those cardboard sleeves

Some cards they're so pure
Some cards so corrupt
Some cards are for children
I was one of those once

Give me half your cards
I said, give me half your cards
Give me half of everything
You'll make me the biggest card star

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Thank you to Commish Bob, madding and Fuji for supplying the cards for this latest indulgence.

If you recognize the altered lyrics, you're as old as I am, or at least have good taste.

For the rest, gain knowledge.

Oh, yeah, one more thing: