Wednesday, July 4, 2012

C.A.: 1993 Endless Summer Maci Wilkins promo

(Greetings from Cardboard Appreciation Week! Thanks for stopping by on your holiday. Hope you're not eating too many hot dogs. If you are, you're probably feeling a little gross right now. How about taking a break from absorbing all those nitrates and absorb some thoughts about cards? It's time for Cardboard Appreciation. This is the 149th in a series):

At this moment, I am probably either sitting on a bench watching my daughter participate in some horrific, stomach-turning amusement park ride, or huddled under an umbrella table watching half-naked flesh slither down a giant slide while probably picking up 425 varieties of bacteria.

OK, it's not that bad. I'm actually having a good time. But I find water parks a bit odd.

Water parks are family affairs mostly, from what I gather. The tip-off is there are lots of tiny, loud, speedy people all over the place. And there are tired and haggard parents, a disturbing amount of whom have all manners of tattoos (if I ever want to experience how out of-the-loop I am with society, I count how many people at the water park feature tattoos on their feet).

There are many, many, many people drastically out of shape, who I would think would avoid places like this. But they sure don't seem to mind. There are also a lot of people who simply look like regular folks in bathing suits (*ahem* like me).

And then, every once in awhile, you see someone who looks like ...

... this.

Often in suits like this. Or in something much less.

Some women I know like to pretend that women who look like this don't exist. That it's airbrushing or camera angles or make-up.

I'm sorry. There are women who look like that. And they're at water parks. A lot. (They're are probably good-looking men, too. I wouldn't know).

Suddenly, when I see someone like this, the water park isn't so bad. Suddenly, I don't think about crowds, or tattoos, or bacteria, or "when is that stupid kid going to stop screaming." When you get right down to it -- because I don't care for most rides at all -- it's the lone perk of a water park.

But being the grown-up, responsible, happily married man that I am, I know that it is impolite to stare. And I whisk away the impure thought as soon as she leaves my field of vision.

Because I know ...


... there will always be another one.

It's a water park, for crying out loud.

God bless the USA.

Have a happy 4th.


  1. What's crazy is that they often take girls like this and try to photoshop them or airbrush them better. There are all sorts of crazy photos out there of celebrities missing limbs or bones or whatever just because a magazine thought it looked better.

    Do we really need to make this girl look better? Because she already is doing pretty well without airbrushing haha.

  2. As someone who was at the Six Flags waterpark about a month ago, I can't put it much better than you just did.

    It's certainly worth pushing past all the exceptionally out-of-shape and/or tattooed people to find that one...model-like woman in a bikini.

    That makes it all worth it. :)

  3. Of course it is impolite to stare. That is why you gotta use your peripherals.

  4. What an odd bit of synchronicity, ol' Maci is on the first page I featured in my 4th of July post. God bless America.

  5. Funny thing, we're on vacation and were in Utica just the other day. Not all that far from you.

    And I'm glad my waterpark with the kids days are over.

  6. I've got a waterpark story for you, but I'd blush if I put it in the comments.