Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm Keith Hernandez

"You wouldn't know I'm a 53-year-old man. Look, not an ounce of gray. I can still trick 'em."

"I'm a little out of it tonight if you haven't noticed."

"Everything I do, it's right off the top of my head. Something pops in my head and it comes out."

"I missed all the outs. What happened? 4-3, 6-3?

Broadcasting partner Gary Cohen: "4-3, 3-1, 6-3"

"The white-outs, these new ones they have now, they're more like tape ... now they have the one with the tape, and it is spectacular."

"I'm worried about my lawn back home."

The above comments were uttered by Keith Hernandez during his regular job as a color man for the Mets broadcasts on SNY. I need to start a running account of his Keithisms.

I wish I had a transcript of him recalling his first encounter with a tornado when he was in the minor leagues. During a broadcast in May 2008, Hernandez relayed a story in which he dealt with an approaching tornado in 1974 in Tulsa, Okla. He remembered hearing that a tornado could create a pressure difference so strong that it might destroy his apartment. So he opened his windows. But the rain was coming in and ruining his stereo system, so he closed the windows again.

Still petrified that the tornado would destroy his apartment, he ran outside into a gully, in his swimsuit, and found himself in chest deep water. He also ended up catching poison oak from the experience. All in the name of saving a 1970s stereo.

This story had me in tears as I sat there on the couch. This is the kind of stuff you get from Hernandez during his broadcasts. It's weird, but he honestly is the most entertaining baseball broadcaster -- in a neurotic sort of way -- since Phil Rizzuto, at least in terms of the local broadcasters I get to see. It certainly makes the Mets broadcast easier to listen to than the Yankees. It doesn't have to be all about the game with me. If you're entertaining, you can even talk about white-out.

Thanks to Mark from Stats on the Back for sending me these and several other Hernandez cards, and thanks to Hernandez for making a team that I don't care one once about worth watching because of his wackiness.

Nice game, pretty boy.


  1. He's the only reason I watch Mets baseball. Well... Mostly.

  2. At least he was awake this time.

  3. Here are 286 of his quotes (it is not my blog by the way):

  4. No. 31 is the tornado story! Although they leave out the stereo part.

    Lot of others I remember hearing: "You carry my baseball card in your wallet? What are you sick?"

  5. The tornado was hilarious! The was another story about giant tarantulas or something too. And socks, he always has something to say about players socks.

    My favorite is when he really has no idea when Cohen and Darling are making fun of him. It's great. haha

  6. There's a Mythbusters episode about Keith's idea about tornadoes/windows/and pressure. It turns out he is slightly right. The pressure is slightly lower with the windows open but the house was pretty much destroyed inside so what's the point?

  7. i didn't care for keith hernandez ever since he supplanted garvey in a couple of topps all star subsets.

    however, if you ever want to unload that 85 donruss highlights's a nice dodger stadium shot. hint hint.

  8. Where was I? I don't remember Cardinals Hernandez from that Kellogs card.

  9. This is the same reason I love Bob Walk for the Buccos. I'm not sure he is as nuts as Hernandez sounds, but he is very entertaining. He hasn't been doing as much color on TV this year, so now I get boring commentators AND crappy baseball.

    Go me...

  10. And, sadly, I need that '81 Fleer. We don't get Keith here in Chicago, but he sounds like he's on the path to be the next Ron Santo!


  11. The best I've ever heard was a rain delay in St. Louis when the Brewers were in town. Bob Uecker came over to the Cardinal booth to talk about old times with former teammate Mike Shannon. They went on with stories for 45 minutes and I was never so mad for a rain delay to end. From Stan Musial having (in Uecker's words) "too much to drink" on a World Series bus (after his retirement) to Alex Johnson flipping the bird to Jack Buck on the freeway about 2:00 AM after a game. I wish it was recorded somewhere.