I'm sorry. I have no Kris Bryant cards for you.
I know that automatically means that half of you stopped reading. Kris Bryant is the only baseball player anyone cares about today. Twitter was a giant promotion for the three-K man earlier today.
What I do have is the Kris Bryant of 2013.
Remember Yasiel Puig?
Puig is an elder statesman now. Just the other day he said he was going to cut down on his bat flips because he wants to show American fans he's not "disrespecting the game." As many have said, this makes me sad. Never did I feel that Puig showed any disrespect for the game, but obviously others did. And I hope they're happy. You've crushed joy and stomped on elation.
But now that Puig has become just another boring veteran, grooming himself for a future season of "Dancing With the Stars," I am able to acquire Puig cards much more easily.
Not long ago, I received some cards from Boobie T (that's his Twitter name, don't get mad at me), who I used to know as blogger but now know as a tweeter. He sent them from his new location, California-way.
The majority of cards were of a certain former baseball card sensation now fitting himself for golf slacks.
I especially appreciate the Toys R Us parallel as those things are so much of a bitch to find that I don't even bother.
I also received a blue slate parallel of Luis Cruz attempting touch a Marlins player who is disappearing particle by particle.
And here's a Through The Years reprints card from 2001 Topps. I just figured out what this was, even though I have several other Dodgers from this set.
Even though Puig now says he's going to try to avoid pissing off people like Brian McCann, I hope the rest of his enthusiasm remains because he's still a hell of a lot of fun to watch, and I like my baseball fun.
I also really hope there's at least a few bat flips left, because this has been the only card of Puig's bat flip I've been able to find:
Yes, I've already put it in my cart, but come on, Topps, you've got to capture this before the conformist nazis kill it for good.
As for Kris Bryant, good luck chasing that super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super-super short-print in Series 2.