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No, no, no, no, no, no, no ... no ... no

This affront to quality, history and everything that is good about my favorite sports team is apparently a thing.

Yesterday, MLB released news and images on a bunch of special uniforms for special occasions. Team will wear uniforms that honor Mother's Day, Father's Day, Independence Day, etc.

I don't have much of a problem with that. The uniforms and caps are a little different, and it's obviously a money grab (fortunately some of it is going to charity), but you can still tell what team it is despite the addition of red or blue or stars, etc. Some people have called them ugly, and maybe they are, but they still don't come close to the horror that is the above image.

Perhaps you had to grow up in the '70s to be as irked by this as I am. After all, I expected this cap to be a huge issue on Twitter yesterday and few seemed to care. To me, this cap, and the accompanying uniforms, go beyond "that's ugly."

The cap and uniforms showcase the Padres, who are hosting the All-Star Game this year. Anyone familiar with the Padres' late '70s uniforms knows the orange, yellow and brown McDonald's unis and the bubble letters, which the Padres displayed from 1978-84.

Those uniforms and caps are distinctly Padres, because who on earth else would wear uniforms that looked like that?

Well, MLB is going to make everyone wear uniforms that look like that. The special retro-Padres uniforms and caps will be worn by all of the All-Stars on Home Run Derby day. Every team has a cap that looks like the Dodgers one above, except with a different team name.

That will be worst-dressed group of ballplayers this side of the shorts-wearing White Sox from 1976.

But again, it goes beyond fashion tastes.

The disgusting part of this is I don't want the Dodgers looking like Padres.

The Dodgers and Padres have a long and fractured relationship. The Dodgers are one of the all-time classic teams with a storied history. The Padres have 2 World Series appearances, Dave Winfield and Tony Gywnn and an inability to choose a uniform color/design and stick with it. To me, there is a vast difference between the Dodgers and Padres, and I know other Dodgers fans think the same way. Why would a Dodger want to look like a Padre? Free french fries at McDonald's?

But that's what's going to happen.

Players have worn different uniforms for the Home Run Derby day for a few years now. I've never cared for it much. I like to see players on the field in their respective uniforms, not some special one-off jersey that will be hanging in a souvenir shop at the ballpark.

But at least the uniform here is blue.

This is more of a problem. The Dodgers do not wear red jerseys. And I know I had an issue when these were first trotted out. But at least they don't look almost exactly like the Reds or the Cardinals. It's nondescript enough that it seems like "The National League Home Run Derby Uniform."

But I can't make that connection if everyone is running around in 1979 Padres bubble-letter, mustard-and-chocolate uniforms. There's only one team that does that. It's the one that keeps finishing in last place.

Here is another reason these Home Run Derby uniforms bother me: I don't associate the photos of Dodgers wearing these uniforms as Dodger cards. It takes an extra effort for me to process that this is a Dodger card, because Joc Pederson is wearing red and black, which ain't Dodger blue.

This card in particular is a problem because I just realized that I don't have this card in my Dodgers binder. It's possible it's sitting in the giant dupes box, but it's probably not in the binder because it doesn't look like a Dodger on that card.

I don't even want to think what will happen with this year's Update set. I'll probably be mistakenly sending Dodgers to Padres fans.

Maybe you think I'm carrying on a bit for something that is only going be worn once, in an exhibition.

But what if this tradition continues? How would Cubs fans like their players wearing a uniform that has a tiny birds-on-the-bat logo somewhere on the jersey? How would Red Sox fans like their players wearing Yankees-style pinstripes for the HR Derby?

Jerry Seinfeld's old bit about "rooting for laundry" applies. Players change teams so often that fans end up rooting for the uniform, the look. That's all they have, because the star player is going to be around for only 5 years and new people will come along.

Well, now MLB is taking that away from us. With this:

This does not want to make me root for anything. It makes me feel sorry for all those teams because they're obviously finishing sixth every year.

I've heard some people differentiate between the HR Derby uniforms and the caps -- the uniforms are supposedly great while the caps aren't.

One person on Twitter compared these uniforms with "a warm hug."


I suppose if you're a Padre fan, and you were brought to Jack Murphy Stadium as an infant, and your mom sang you a lullaby for every one of the Padres' 93 losses in 1979, then, yeah, these uniforms are a warm hug.

Otherwise, it looks like someone threw up. Why would anybody think that looks good for anyone who isn't a Padre?

But if that's the way MLB wants it, I can't wait for the Dodgers to host the All-Star Game so we can fit Buster Posey with a beautiful Dodger blue-like uniform.


Section 36 said…
Sorry. I love the uniforms. The caps I can go either way on. But, absolutely love the uniforms.
JediJeff said…
The uniforms are a nice take on the Padres Taco Bell look.

That being said, they are all f*cking shit and ugly as hell. I blame all you youngsters for this crap. Stop buying it and they will stop making it.
A complete disgrace! The Padres want to wear their retro uniforms? Fine. The rest is just a money-grab and an exercise in attention-whoredom that I would have expected from Bud Selig.

There's a reason no other team has chosen these colors - they're stone ugly.
Tony L. said…
Yeah, I'm with you. Just don't like the Padre-earthtone-molasses-and-mustard stuff. Ugh.
kid2119 said…
I grew up in San Diego, and started following baseball RIGHT at this time. So, my favorite uniforms are these. Sure, they're not pretty. But they're distinctly from my youth, and I'll always love 'em.
That said, the hats look terrible. They should have gone with a variation of the '78 caps, with all brown except the center, which was yellow with the intertwined SD. Put the teams logos THERE.
Trevor P said…
And here I thought the All-Star caps couldn't get any worse than last year's. . .
When I first saw those hats my thoughts were "What the hell?" Now that I've seen the uniforms I want to cry thinking that Rockies players will be wearing those disasters. I can't help but think this is some form of revenge by the Padres on every team for beating them all these years.
Captain Canuck said…
I like how you keep calling hats, caps.
AdamE said…
And now your National League All Star starting lineup, sponsored by, UPS.
Stubby said…
OK, I grew up in the 60s. But I absolutely LOVED those Padres unis. Back then, when I used to make what passed for custom cards at the time (i.e. hand drawn), I used to imagine other teams in a similar style. The best were the Royals. That style in Royal blue and Yellow Mustard yellow...c'est mangnifique. And, when the Rays did their faux throwbacks, those looked pretty awesome, too. Dodgers in that style fared less well (frankly, teams like the Dodgers and Yankees--and Mets--should never tamper with tradition and perfection). But, frankly, this is just for one stupid little "event" that I never cared for anyway and I think these are tons better than the usual generic crap they trot out. And the best part, of course, is that Topps will immortalize the look in their update series. Yes, to me, that's the best part. I can hardly wait for an All-Star game in Houston, so we can get everybody in those rainbow unis.
I'm not a Dodges fan but THAT is not right. Unfortunately, the horror of that image has been seared in my memory.

Special uniforms for special occasions may be correct as it appears the Padres design will be used for Father's Day.

Message to all kids out there: Buy your dad a tie this Father's Day and they'll be grateful all year, unless you're a Padres fan.
Billy Kingsley said…
I like them. I've always liked the 70s styles with the stripes in various colors, whether they be on jerseys or cars or anything else. I didn't grow up in the 70s, I just like them. We did have a metallic orange with brown vinyl interior 1974 Torino wagon until 1991, which is kind of a similar color scheme. So I might be biased!
night owl said…
So far, none of the people who like them are Dodgers fans, which was the point.
Anonymous said…
I'm no fan of the Dodgers, but I'll weigh in anyway.

To me, the jerseys aren't bad, the caps suck and the biggest part of that is because the jerseys are for the American and National league, while the caps are for individual teams. They want to temporarily impose the Padres brown & gold on players representing the league, fine, go ahead. They want to make each individual team look like the Padres? That's just wrong.

The funny thing is that MLB is saying "Yes! Yes! The Padres are brown and gold!" while the Padres themselves treat brown and gold alternates like a small way of appeasing the fans and hoping that they'll just forget about making brown and gold the teams' official colors.
Anonymous said…
I totally got a kick out of this. When I heard the news yesterday, I knew you'd have a cow about the Dodgers looking like a rival AND lookin' like a rival's old clothes that you never liked.

Personally, I never understand how anybody could hate that old Padres look. I got into baseball in '82 and I loved their look. It was so unique and the font was awesome. I've missed it ever since, and keep wishin' the team would revive it with some kind of modern touch. In fact, I never knew anyone hated it 'til the internet came along and heard several folks complaining about that old look. Oh, and I grew up in upstate NY, so it's not like I'm some Padre die hard. I hate the bland looks San Diego's had since '84.
BobWalkthePlank said…
It was funny timing that you posted this. Just yesterday a friend of mine sent me a text with the link to all the special uniforms this year. The uniforms seem to similar.
The baseball caps look like something cheaply made and could be found at the Dollar Tree! The uniforms are tolerable, but MLB shouldn't make players from other than the Padres wear them. I like the idea of them wearing their traditional away game uniforms for the all-star game.
GCA said…
They forgot to put the massive TM's or (R) next to the team names on those Chinese knock-off caps!
It's less about whether the jerseys are good or bad (they are bad) and more about making everyone wear some other team outfit. That seems weird and where does it end? Buster Posey in a Dodger outfit is a horrible thought, thanks for putting it out there.
Sean said…
If the Padres themselves haven't wanted to wear those uniforms in decades, why force everyone else to do it? But we do know what Steve Garvey looks like in that uniform.
CaptKirk42 said…
I hate the HRD hats UGH. The Uniforms I am sort of used to from seeing the Padres on all my late 70s baseball cards with the Burger King uniforms with the mustard gold and brown. Ugh the last few years the All-Star and especially the Home Run Derby hats and uniforms have really sucked big time. I recall in the 70s when the baby blue road uniforms were popular with teams the "visiting" league would be in their road blues while the homie league was in their home unis. They should go back to the pinstripes for the home league either traditional black or dark blue and road grays for the visiting league. They could still have "American" and "National" team names across the front if they like but STOP with the experimental colors. They must be borrowing uniform ideas from the NFL and the Pro Bowl uniform disasters (Neon Lemon Yellow, Neon Lime Green or Neon Orange with gray and sometimes all of the above). What next using the NFLs "Playground Draft" rules and bringing in retired players to be an honorary captain to pick his team?
defgav said…
I'm not completely sold on them, and I'm a Padres fan. Perhaps that old font used with the correct respective team colors would have been a better compromise.
Sascards67 said…
It's just a continuation of the trend to make more money for professional and college teams. I objected years ago when there were yellow, orange, green, etc... caps with team logos that should never be on those colors (Yankees and Dodgers come to mind on these.) Colleges wear alternate uniforms all the time now so the uniforms companies can sell more or because the uniform company wants to be sure that everyone knows they manufactured them. All of those grey uniforms like UCLA and Syracuse come to mind. There simply is no such thing as tradition anymore even on "throwbacks" like these hideous Padres tributes.
I love the comments to this post.

I'm seriously thinking of boycotting the A.S. game just to avoid looking at the caps and uniforms. I have no desire to explore this issue nor do I have the curiosity to see other team caps.

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bulls _ _ t." - W.C. Fields
Fuji said…
Yea on the jerseys... nay on the caps. But this is coming from a Padres fan who embraces the Brown & Gold.

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