Thursday, May 19, 2011
No Bryce here
I received some cards from Adam of My Cardboard Mistress a couple of weeks ago.
Or as I like to call it:
I know there aren't very many collectors out there anymore that care about non-Bryce Harper cards. But I'll press on for the two that do. It's not my fault, nor Adam's fault, that we agreed upon a trade before everyone opened their eyes and realized that there was only one player's cards worth pursuing.
So, here are the worthless cards that Adam sent. I hope you will forgive me:
Not Bryce Harper.
Not Bryce Harper. Too many letters.
A Bowman card. But not Bryce Harper.
Another Bowman card, but just a guy with a weird last name. Bryce Harper has a weird first name.
Blake is closer to Bryce. But that is not Bryce Harper with a bat on his bat.
Not Bryce Harper on a carrier ship.
Not Bryce Harper in his 142nd game.
Not Bryce Harper on a 2008 Heritage short-print.
Not Bryce Harper on some shiny.
Not Bryce Harper reflecting the current top of the A.L. East standings.
Not Bryce Harper on one of those Pinnacle 4-in-1 Stand-Up cards.
Getting closer. But not Bryce Harper.
Oooh. Getting real close. But still not Bryce Harper.
Bryce Harper hasn't hit two grand slams in one inning of a major league game. Not Bryce Harper.
Working on his Bryce Harper stare. But not Bryce Harper.
Tats! I'm guessing Bryce Harper either has or will end up with a bunch of tats. But these are not Bryce Harper's tats. Therefore, nobody cares.
Adam, you thoroughly disappoint me with your non-Bryce Harper cards and non-Bryce Harper tats. You may think that these cards are a suitable replacement for the greatness of Bryce Harper, but you and I both know that they are pathetically lacking. We are a disgrace to collectorhood.
Nothing compares to a card of Bryce Harper. It's all a collector wants out of a hobby. Just look at this. Is there anything better in life? The answer is Bryce ... I mean no.
Um ... wait, I think I forgot a card.
Hold on ...
Here it is:
Eh. It's just Jackie Robinson. A short-print of Jackie Robinson. It's not even from (*sniff*) this year.
Definitely not Bryce Harper.