Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Does it get any better than beat-up vintage?

We've all heard some version of the question posed in the post title before:

Does it get any better?

Does it get any better than two weeks off in July?

Does it get any better than a day with your kids at the park?

Does it get any better than playoff baseball?

Does it get any better than beat-up vintage?

The implication, for whatever question you are asking, is this:

No, it definitely does not get any better. Case closed.

But thanks to a terrific card package from Chris at Project '62 (at least I think the blog is still functional), I have a chance to consider whether there actually is anything better than awesome, semi-beat-up vintage Dodgers.

After viewing the package, I pondered it for awhile, and I have to admit that, yes, there are just a few things better than awesome, unbelievable, semi-beat-up vintage.

I will reveal those things while showing the cards from Chris.

First, my daughter and wife are better than awesome beat-up vintage. Yes, I went the sappy route, but it's true. A guy named Sparky and a guy named Wine cannot compete with those two. Even on a pair of '72 cards.

Speaking of wine, I must admit that alcohol is better than awesome beat-up vintage. I'm not really a beer/alcohol lover anymore. I drink very rarely now. But in context, meaning when I drank in my college days, in a bar, with a bunch of my friends, and all the fun and relationships and great times that I had back then, helped along by a little bit of beer, that was definitely better than old, beat-up vintage.

As for food, I'd have to say cheesecake is better than beat-up vintage (although these cards are in impressive shape).

I have loved cheesecake since I was a little kid. If I had cheesecake as often as I wanted it, they would be rolling me out of the room like Violet "Blueberry" Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Normally, food would not exceed vintage in greatness, but I must make an exception for wonderful, glorious cheesecake.

While we're on the topic of cheesecake, I have to say ... and you're all thinking it ... sex is definitely better than vintage. (Don't be disturbed, there is no reason why I showed Frank Howard and mentioned sex in the next sentence. Purely luck of the draw. No offense, Frank).

I can safely say that there have been moments when I would have burned every last one of my vintage cards if it meant hitting the sack with a certain gal. And that's all you need to know.

Walking out on your jerk-face boss at the most inconvenient time possible might be better than beat-up vintage. I haven't ever had the pleasure. But it has been a fantasy multiple times. I'm pretty sure I'd trade a few vintage cards for that experience.

So, it's safe to say there are a few things better than semi-beat-up vintage.

1. Family
2. Alcohol-fueled good times (but not too much)
3. Cheesecake
4. Sex
5. Leaving the boss high and dry.

Anything else?

Maybe seeing your team win in the bottom of the 9th in a stadium full of fans. That's pretty cool.

But that's about it. Nothing else is better than that.

But let me check one more time.


That'll do it.

Nothing else in this world is better than beat-up vintage. Or a guy with the bat airbrushed out of his hands.

It doesn't get any better than that.


  1. My five would probably be:

    1. Wife and Dog
    2. Golf
    3. Tobacco
    4. Poker night
    5. Booze

    Surprisingly, as a fat guy, food didn't make it into the top five, but it'd probably round out the top ten.

  2. (haven't read the post)


    (scrolls back up and reads it)

    Still no.

    And that Gino Cimoli ain't beat up. Not by a longshot.

    Also: Frank Howard is a sexy beast.

  3. You still thinkin about Milano?