Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bad hair day

Topps Heritage seems intent this year on featuring ballplayer's hairstyles. It's an ugly turn that's excused as "staying true to the original."

However, I think most of the players who were not wearing caps in the 1962 Topps set didn't wear them because either they were just traded or Topps thought that they would be traded. Baseball expanded by two teams in '62 and there were players moving everywhere. So Topps asked the player to take off the cap. Just in case.

Then, when the player was traded or drafted by an expansion team, Topps had a capless photo at the ready.

I could be wrong, but I don't think there was any MLB expansion in 2011.

I also don't think Ian Kinsler has been traded. Or is about to be traded. (Or is that short).

The same goes for Carlos Gonzalez or Hanley Ramirez or Carlos Lee or Jason Bay or Hunter Pence. Yet, all are devoid of headwear in 2011 Heritage.

This is very irksome.

Why am I so cranky about this?

Well, this would annoy me on any regular old day, but it bothers me a lot more today because I just got finished with yet another craptastic March day. It's amazing how much this month can dish out. I won't go into detail for fear that my blog is tapped, but let's just say I wasn't around a whole lot of normal today.

Then, after all of that nonsense, I took solace in a local big box store and grabbed some Heritage cards. I was looking for some cards for Joe, who sent me this:

Sweet, eh?

But instead of something special from my purchases, I pulled this:.

Ah, yes. It's jackass. Still not funny, jackass.

This is how I was rewarded for my nine hours that I'll never get back again.

I'm certain, without even counting my Heritage cards, that I have way more Giants than any other team -- even the Yankees. I tell you, I was fuming. I shouldn't have been. It's just freakin' cards. But I was.

But then I saw this.

And this.

And this.

Good on ya, Steve! You got me out of my foul mood.

So much so that I started to think that Wilson's excuse for a 'do reminded me of something, but I didn't know what. I actually stared at his card some more (instead of feeding it to the dog) to try to figure out who had hair like that.

I started pondering all the high hair I had seen.

Did Wilson remind me of Rihanna?

Absolutely not. I'd never besmirch the lovely Ree. Even after she ruined Matt Kemp for 2010.

How about Amy Winehouse?

Well, Wilson may be as crazy as the formerly cracked-out Amy, but that's just not the right hairdo. And she might be scarier than Wilson.

Marge Simpson, perhaps?

Wilson is practically a cartoon character, but that's too easy. Besides, all these "people" were female. This wasn't what I was thinking of at all.

Jimmy Neutron? At least he's male. But Wilson's hair definitely doesn't remind me of a soft-serve ice cream cone.

Christopher Walken? Wilson wishes on his dying day that he could be as awesome as THE Bruce Dickinson.

Don King? Getting closer. But this just reminds me of how unoriginal Wilson is. King was doing the high hair thing since before Wilson was born.

I started to think I would never figure out where I had seen that hair before.

I quietly pondered a little more.

Then I heard it.

Off in the distance. But getting closer.

Was that ... was that ... maracas? And merengue drums? Did I see Bill Murray? And a limbo pole?

Yes, I did. Why it's ... it's ...

HOW YOU FEELIN???????????

Yes sahhhh!!!!!!! Looks like a match to me!

Brian Wilson and Buster Poindexter. No, not Buster Posey. Buster Poindexter.

It's the name of the character created by New York Dolls singer David Johansen. He called him "the bane of my existence."

Yeah, that sums up Wilson pretty well for me.

But at least my mood's better.

ole, ole, ole, ole.

(Happy Friday).


  1. Perfect comparison. I knew I had that seen that do before but I couldn't for the life of me remember where. I couldn't stand Buster Poindexter in the 80s, but Brian Wilson ruined a perfectly good (albeit crazy) Beach Boy name.

  2. Well done! I didn't even think of that one! :-)

  3. Don't forget Kid (of Kid and Play - which I featured on my Lonnie Smith post).

    Then there's Martin Short's SCTV and SNL character Ed Grimley. And Alfalfa of the Little Rascals.

    Oh, and one of those guys from the Prodigy ("Firestarter", "Smack My Bitch Up") had hair like that, I think.

    So did Johnny Rotten, and you should Google his interview with Tom Snyder on the Tomorrow show (back when they smoked on TV). Classic anarchy on TV.

  4. I think that Heritage picture makes him look like that guy in Hawaii 5-0. (the new one)

  5. The thing about hairstyles...

    The 1962 Topps set featured a wide array of crewcut men. I sometimes wonder if people just walked into the barber shops in 1962 and just sat down without saying a word.

    Because nearly everybody seemed to get the same if that mandated trip they had to take every two months in the Army just continued into civilian life.

    Today, not a lot of players have crewcuts anymore.

    That said, the capless cards of the 1960s were a good way to avoid needing airbrush artists, but they made the players look less like cardboard heroes and more like your Uncle Bob or the guy who fills the propane tanks. Especially the ones who've gone bald.

  6. I had to rip-off your scan, but I think Wilson has another look-alike. Of course, it is based less on the hair and more on the psychopathic eyes.

  7. Agreed, March can rot. Four days ago it was 60 degrees here in Baltimore. When I left for work this morning, it was 32. There was ice on the sidewalk.

    And my mother wonders why I keep threatening to move to San Diego.

  8. Great post, you could probably go on forever with similar pictures.....i was thinking of The Heat Miser.