Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The worst card of 2010: contestants #1 and #2

I hesitated about doing this again this year. I intend to cut down on my purchasing of current cards, and because of that, I didn't think I could get an accurate assessment of the ugliness of 2010.

But we know how that goes. The road to hell, and all that. I will probably end up with plenty of 2010 cards that I have no interest in, good intentions or not.

Plus, folks are sending me cards that they believe are "Worst Card" candidates. I can't let those good people down.

So, if you see a "Worst Card" candidate and can bear to part with it, send it to me. I'll be happy to take it and display it here -- if it meets my own stringent worstiness guidelines.

And with that, here are the first two "Worst Card of 2010" candidates. Both have been featured on blogs a number of times already and panned by the majority, so I'm not sure how much insight I can add. But at least you know these two cards are now Certifiably Awful.

We plunge into the depths:

Worst Card candidate #1: Yes, you knew this card was coming. This might be the creepiest card of all-time, although there are a bunch of cards from the 1990s that would give it a run for its money.

The least that Topps could have done is make this a vertical photo. Way too much left to the imagination. And the less said about that the better.

I'm just glad the back of this card is a checklist. I don't need a write-up on the back that says Hampton and Berkman are sleep-over buddies. Puking once when I see this card is enough.

Worst Card candidate #2: Ah, Upper Deck. Your ability to annoy has no end. I've read about people actually defending these cards. All right. To each his own. But I'm saying that with my mind officially blown. And not in the good way. This is one of those "Celebrity Predictors" inserts, which feature likenesses of famous folks with a write-up about each on the back. But the person pictured is not named.

OK, Here is my annoyance: I know some people consider these fun. Whatever. Personally, I hate having pop culture infiltrate every element of society. I rarely watch non-baseball TV, I watch movies even less. I don't read celebrity magazines or gossip sheets. I'm not a fan of Hollywood. Yet I come across celebrities in so-called "news coverage" and see celebrity reports worm their way into sports news. And now it's in baseball cards. I don't even know who the guy with the caterpillar eyebrows is.

I do know who the gal is. But that's because I'm a guy, and it is my duty to know who women who look like that are. It's in the job description. But I've never seen her movies. And until I read the card, I never knew that Megan Fox had an issue with her thumbs. When I look at Megan Fox, I'm not looking at her thumbs.

So, I guess, in that way, the card was informative: it taught me that someone -- whether it was Fox or some snarky person unhappy with their body image -- pointed out Fox's thumbs. That's a gold star for you Upper Deck. Excellent job.

OK, those are the first two candidates. I don't know how we can get any lower. But I know someone out there is trying.


  1. its shia labeuf - her co star from the transformers movies - also was in the last indiana jones and lots of other stuff he's ok

  2. That Hampton/Berkman card is one goofy and disturbing card.

  3. Nothing will beat the Hampton/Berkman card. Photo Day Fun took a very disturbing turn.

  4. My vote is for the Hampton/Berkman card. It's truly awful.

    Not that the other card isn't. I just don't care one way or another about that one.

  5. I really thought that I would be able to disagree with your choices after reading the title. Nope. Worst cards yet. (i can't stand UD's base tho, like they went back 15yrs)
    I vote for the "predictors". this shyte has no place in a baseball product, and is one of the main reasons I only bought ONE PACK.
    BTW, I still have a mound of Dodgers for you, just need address.

  6. I too vote for the predictor. I detest celebrity cards in a baseball product, and this takes the cake.

  7. I think the regular base set Upper Deck cards should be disqualified because they intentionally made lousy cards this year.

  8. Although it's perhaps early for 'worst of 2010'--don't you think there'll be plenty to come?--the Two-Headed Astro That Came From The Dome will almost undoubtedly walk away with the prize.

  9. Yeah, the Astros card is just disturbing. The Predictor at least has a little comedy in it..

  10. I'd seen the Astro card before,but I pulled one the other day. It's even worse in person.

  11. That Astros card is the headliner for Topps new line of sexually ambigious baseball cards, it's all about the pitchers and the catchers!

  12. I got one of those Upper Deck Celebrity Predictor cards. I had to look up a checklist to figure out who the "celebrities" were. And then I said "Who"? Maybe I'm just out of it.

  13. Hampton: Where's your other hand?
    Berkman: Between two pillows.
    Hampton: Those aren't pillows!

    Ha ha hah ahhh blah.

    I tried. That card sucks.

  14. I promise you that your last line is right...somewhere in the dark sub-basement at Topps, one of the people who make inexplicable choices for design/photo use is working on a card to beat that Astros card.