There's only time to open one pack

Not sure how much I'll be posting here in the next few days. Posting is already sporadic and it's about to get super-radic, if you know what I mean. If you do see regular posting know that I'm exerting myself far beyond what I usually do to get something on here.

The only thing there's time for today is opening a pack. No thought, just cards. I had planned to save this for A Pack To Be Named Later, but desperate times, man. Besides, Series 1 and Series 3 of '94 Stadium Club have already been opened there. I don't want to be too repetitive.

This is one of the dollar packs acquired at the card show in Vermont.

1994 Stadium Club is a weird bird. Much like everything in '94, Stadium Club was trying to get younger. Trendy. What the kids like. So it overhauled its three-year look, added some edgy graphics, slapped "extreme" and "premium" on everything, and hoped that kids would buy baseball cards -- in the middle of a baseball strike.

So that's the story of the wrapper you see above. Kind of a whole "Blackhole Sun/Saved By The Bell Grows Up And My God It's Elizabeth Berkley" look there. With sideways writing, of course. Please buy us.

Cards:

#508 - Derek Lilliquist, Indians

Lilliquist, disturbing squatting, straining image aside, is the perfect common player to cast aside so I can focus on the main element of Stadium Club -- the player name.

The name line, half kidnapper ransom note/half 1970s Dymo label maker, sets off OCD bells in many collectors. It doesn't bother me quite as much, although I wonder how they came up with it.

#285 - Frank Thomas, White Sox, award winner, golden rainbow parallel

Frank, here, is applying eye black. What? He's applying eye black! Everyone does it like that! Settle down.

This is easily the card of the pack.

#310 - Zane Smith, Pirates

Time to view the back:

Isn't that the most '90s thing you've ever seen? Semi-randomly placed type. 400 different fonts. Painful Pre-Emotion/Skybox descriptors ("september star"). Anything But A Pie Chart graphics. Neon green on dark blue. The "Topps Skills Ratings System." And a toy blocks-style Stadium Club logo in the corner. This is what people who would go on to make ESPN The Magazine grew up on. 550 elements flashing in your face. But I admit that I like this (the '94 Stadium Club back, not That Magazine).

#524 - Andy Ashby, Padres

Ugh, mid-80s-90s Padres uniforms. Only one team should wear pinstripes, and nobody should wear gold pinstripes.

Infocard, 7 of 7

Yeah, I know, it's boring, but hold on a second, I wanna show you something I didn't know.

I had no idea that the cards were color-coded by the brand new divisional alignments. So the backdrop for the first names has a purpose -- sort of.

Unfortunately, TSC has already violated its coding system by making Zane Smith's first name AL West colors. Oops.

#321 - Kevin Young, Pirates

That's better. NL Central teams are supposed to be GREEN. (P.S.: this pack, like any pack from the mid-1990s, gives me terrible fantasy baseball flashbacks).

#410 - Danny Tartabull, Yankees

Probably remembered on the internet solely for appearing in Seinfeld twice.

#380 - Jerry DiPoto, Indians

Current Mariners general manager. I remember when he was starting out in Class A ball in Watertown, N.Y. Yup, that's how old I am.

#404 - Ken Ryan, Red Sox

BAD fantasy baseball memories. BAD.

#297 - Bob Welch, A's

Cards of Welch as an Oakland A make me sad. Welch was never my declared favorite Dodger when he was with L.A., but he was a secret favorite the entire time he played for the Dodgers.

#305 - Pat Borders, Blue Jays

#348 - Willie Blair, Rockies

Nothing more boring than pulling a card of a Rockies reliever. This applies to any era.

#375 - Dan Pasqua, White Sox

Pretty weak pack except for Thomas and Welch.

Because I didn't show all the backs, here is the two-word descriptor for each card:

Lilliquist: "most saves"
Thomas: "the big hurt" (Ok, that's 3 words)
Smith: "september star"
Ashby: "rest assured"
Young: "quiet study"
Tartabull: "road warrior"
DiPoto: "heavy duty"
Ryan: "closer prospect"
Welch: "200-game winner"
Borders: "work horse"
Blair: "pen man"
Pasqua: "ruined no-no"

Nothing terribly offensive there. I guess everyone had to wait for Skybox to assault the senses.

Hope you enjoyed this "no thought required" pack break post.

See ya when I see ya.