If I was king of the postseason, 2014 edition

Last night's game made me realize just how much danger is contained in these playoffs. I previously thought that this year's postseason teams were likable, cuddly creatures who could do no harm. Then the ugly orange and black pig snouts practically bit my arm off.

Does anyone really like the Giants? Really? I mean other than the usual two people?

Oh, this could be very ugly.

But, with that in mind, I have to say that I don't have a concrete view on who is going to win this year's World Series. In 2012, I had this terrible premonition that the Giants would win. And I was right. Last year, like a lot of people, I threw up my hands and said the Red Sox would win. And I was right.

But this year? It could be someone totally unexpected or it could be someone ghastly and depressing.

Welcome to Drinking Beer And Hiding Under The Table Season!!!!

So, OK, each year I do this little exercise where I review all of the potential World Series matchups and determine who I want to win each. When the Dodgers are involved, which they are this year, it helps me size up possibilities and also helps make the nightmares go away. When the Dodgers aren't involved, well, it still helps the nightmares go away.

So here we are in 2014. Get ready for some craziness. Let's not hope anything goes into November. And I'm not just talking about the Series itself. With video review in place, I'm talking about an actually game lasting to November. Hoo-boy it's going to be fun at work.

Let's go:

1. Dodgers vs. Orioles: "The Revenge For '66" Series

What's good about it: Two teams that I like. A throwback to the '60s.

What's bad about it: I've mentioned this before, but it's a good thing I was barely alive for 1966, because I don't think I could have survived that Series. The Dodgers had Koufax and Drysdale on that team and they still got blanked. I want REVENGE for this. And for all of those Jim Palmer Jockey ads. Also, the O's are my brother's favorite team. And at least a couple of his kids'. So I'd be rooting against nieces and nephews. That's harsh.

Who I'd want to win: Dodgers

2. Cardinals vs. Tigers: "The Here We Go Again" Series

What's good about it: The Tigers have a shot to clear up that ugliness from 2006.

What's bad about it: This matchup bores me. It bores a lot of people. They've met three times already. Give someone else a chance! I'd be forced to root for the Tigers and I have no real interest in them, or their never-ending bullpen issues.

Who I'd want to win: Tigers

3. Nationals vs. Angels: "The Bowman Breakout Stars Make Good" Series

What's good about it: Well, at least I'd feel good about buying Bowman cards. Trout, Strasburg and Harper would be all under one roof, shining bright.

What's bad about it: We'd have to hear how good Trout is. Again. Repeatedly. Incessantly. Ad Infinitum. Come up with something new. Your tweet "wow, Trout is good" isn't adding anything to the conversation.

Who I'd want to win: Nationals

4. Giants vs. Royals: "The Most Unlikely" Series

What's good about it: Well, I have a clear-cut team to support, even if I'll feel like I'm pulling for a three-legged dog with sprained ankles.

What's bad about it: I know who will win.

Who I'd want to win: Royals

5. Dodgers vs. Tigers: The "You Called It Again" Series

What's good about it: For the second straight year, I've seen this as a popular preseason prediction. I don't consider it anymore likely than last year. But at least this is a Series with which I can work.

What's bad about it: I have a co-worker who likes the Tigers and we'd have to place bets. I don't really feel like doing that. Also, I think this would be billed as a slugging series between the Tigers and Dodgers, and I think the Tigers would hit the bejesus out of some of the Dodgers' pitching. I don't want to see this.

Who I'd want to win: Dodgers

6. Cardinals vs. Angels: The "OMG The Field Is Covered With Blood" Series

What's good about it: The Cardinals would be a worthy challenger to the Angels' brain trust. I don't think the Angels would outsmart the Cardinals.

What's bad about it: I don't like these teams. At. All. And chances are by the time they get to this point, I will like them even less.

Who I'd want to win: Cardinals

7. Nationals vs. Royals: The "This Could Have Been The 'Expos Vs. Royals' Series' Dammit, Dammit, Bud, Why Do You Have To Ruin Everything?'" Series

What's good about it: I love these matchups that make Fox sweat. This would probably get lousy ratings. And I wouldn't care one bit.

What's bad about it: Both cities feature NFL teams with Native American nicknames. I'm sure someone would work that in somewhere unnecessarily ... wait, I just did.

Who I'd want to win: Royals

8. Giants vs. Orioles: The Halloween Series

What's good about it: This series was a possibility in 2012, too, and back then I said it'd be most fitting around Halloween time. Fans could whip candy corn onto the field when they didn't like a call.

What's bad about it: I'd get somebody mixed up. And then I'd feel bad that I thought an Oriole was a Giant.

Who I'd want to win: Orioles

9. Dodgers vs. Angels: The Freeway Series

What's good about it: Southern California would have to show up early for once in their life.

What's bad about it: This has the potential to be the most annoying matchup of all. The most annoying fan that I know right now is an Angels fan. He's also a former Dodger fan. He's like one of those former smokers who goes around trying to convert smokers. Except even more annoying. And then if the Angels won, he wouldn't shut up. For YEARS. I might have to pop him.

Who I'd want to win: Dodgers

10. Cardinals vs. Royals: The "I-70 Series, Three Decades Later -- Good Lord, It's Really Been Almost Three Decades?????" Series

What's good about it: If the Cardinals got Joaquin Andujar to throw out the first ball, that would be totally bad ass and would make me like the Cardinals just a little bit. But then if the Royals got Don Denkinger to throw out the first ball, I would have a new favorite team.

What's bad about it: A lot of people pronouncing "Biancalana" for the first time. Like it's the first time the name's ever been read.

Who I'd want to win: Royals

11. Nationals vs. Tigers: The Michael Moore Series

What's good about it: Short plane rides? You got me.

What's bad about it: This series would make me think about Michael Moore, just because he's from Michigan and doesn't seem to like politicians and corporate people very much, and I'd start thinking about politics and Real Life Problems and I don't need that in a World Series.

Who I'd want to win: Tigers

12. Giants vs. Angels: The "No, NO, NO, NO!" Series

What's good about it: The rally monkey is dead. Right? ... RIGHT?

What's bad about it: World Series gods, you had ONE JOB!

Who I'd want to win: Angels

13. Dodgers vs. Royals: The "Happy Happy Joy Joy In Blue" Series

What's good about it: Only everything. Two of my favorite teams going back to when I was 10 or 11 years old. Blue everywhere. Players I like. Retired players I like. I want this Series to last 45 games. They can move it indoors and play it until Christmas if they like.

What's bad about it: Someone would have to lose and I wouldn't want anyone to be sad, so I'd be one of those annoying people who says "Great Job by BOTH teams" after the series ended.

Who I'd want to win: Dodgers ..... ugh, Great job by BOTH teams!!!! Ugh.

14. Cardinals vs. Orioles: The "How Have These Teams Not Met Already?" Series

What's good about it: We could trot out Bob Gibson and Brooks Robinson and see some cool old-style uniforms and footage. It'd be good fun.

What's bad about it: These are both towns that I have visited and I liked each of them. I'd have to be mean and root against one of them.

Who I'd want to win: Orioles

15. Nationals vs. Orioles: The Beltway Series

What's good about it: I didn't have to come up with my own nickname, it was already there.

What's bad about it: They might increase political ads for two weeks

Who I'd want to win: Orioles

16. Giants vs. Tigers: The "Get It Right This Time" Series

What's good about it: The Tigers can erase that awful thing they did in 2012.

What's bad about it: There would be a repeat of 2012.

Who I'd want to win: Tigers


Those are all the possibilities. There are some very cool matchups in there and also some that I either never want to see or never want to see again.

The way things are going, it will probably be the latter.

A White Sox-Astros World Series doesn't come around very often.

So, anyway, enjoy the postseason.

I will try to do the same.

It all hinges on Don Mattingly.

I'll be under the table.