I've never liked horror movies or comics, I just can't handle them.
But growing up, the usual classic monsters were everywhere. Old black-and-white Frankenstein movies would appear on TV on Saturday afternoons, and Dracula always creeped me out. Plus, we had our own cereals with Frankenstein (Frankenberry) and Dracula (Count Chocula) on the box cover.
But I just couldn't get into that -- those people monsters.
The beast-themed monsters were much more cool -- King Kong and especially Godzilla. I liked watching those movies. And that's why the Wolfman somewhat appealed to me. As a youngster, I feared dogs. But I liked them, too. I wanted to get close to them, but I was afraid. I saw that appeal, that fear in the Wolfman.
The Wolfman was everywhere when I was a kid and a young teenager.
Of course, Wolfman Jack still dominated the radio, even in the '70s and '80s as oldies stations popped up after his appearance in "American Graffiti." I'd listen to the Wolfman during my first radio trips through the oldies catalog.
He was cool. The Wolfman was cool.
Come on, howling is awesome. Practically the best part of owning a dog is when an ambulance goes by and he instinctively points his nose to the sky and emits:
AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
(OK, it's not as cool if it happens early in the morning when I'm trying to sleep).
As I got older, werewolves started to appear in music ("Werewolves of London") and in movies. There was "An American Werewolf In London" and Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf".
Most of movies' concepts of the werewolf originated from this movie:
It's the 1941 classic starring Lon Chaney and Bela Lugosi.
I remember seeing parts of this on TV when I was a kid. The metamorphosis aspect of the story fascinated me, probably from all those Fridays watching "The Incredible Hulk" on TV. And even though I didn't usually watch "people monster movies," I knew about the characters and the werewolf story.
Man gets attacked and bitten by unknown and vicious creature then recovers, but he has already become a werewolf himself. He starts craving raw meat and frequenting graveyards. He sprouts hairy palms and glowing eyes. Dogs and chickens start disappearing.
As the werewolf story progressed through the years, the character's appearance became less human and more beast-like. Hollywood started including women as werewolves, too, because why do guys only get to kill the high school janitor with their fangs and claws?
So this is basically where we're at with werewolves (although, believe me, thanks to the internet, I could go on for a lot longer and eventually address the people who have typed into the online search engine "how do I tell if I'm a werewolf?")
But there's no full moon this Halloween -- we're "waxing crescent" tonight -- and no chance to see a werewolf. And I still haven't shown a baseball card on this post. So let me take care of that by telling you about the Legend of Gorman Thomas.*
You don't know about the Legend of Gorman Thomas?
Yeah, Fuji didn't either, apparently.
A couple of weeks ago, Rod from Padrographs displayed an autographed card of Gorman Thomas that I absolutely had to have.
That's a beauty.
It doesn't quite look like Gorman Thomas and that could be a little bit annoying, but I knew why.
Yet Fuji was a bit alarmed:
Yes, exactly.
The mustache isn't there because Gorman Thomas is in full metamorphosis mode here. He is turning into a werewolf.
Thomas wasn't always the animal-like, wild man that we know and love -- and maybe fear a little -- on those baseball cards. He showed a much more mild-mannered side on his early cards.
Look there on his rookie card. Just a fresh-scrubbed dude swinging some lumber. Nobody in the stands knows any differently.
See? Maybe a little rough around the edges but basically a ballplayer from the '70s. No cause for alarm.
However ...
Gorman Thomas disappeared from the 1978 Topps set. Go on, try to find a card of Thomas in the '78 set. It doesn't exist. There are cards of him in 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, there's even an SSPC card of Gorman. And then ... nothing.
What happened?
Well, legend says, Thomas came upon a creature after coming home from the bar one night in 1977. There was a fight. Gorman Thomas won because he's Gorman Thomas, dammit, and the creature ran off into the night. But there was some recovery time and rehabilitation and people say Gorman didn't look quite right.
By the time he returned to a major league uniform, he seemed, he looked ... different.
That sneer. That mustache. That sudden explosion of power. From 8 home runs in 1976 to 32 in 1978. What the hell? There was a new idol in Milwaukee.
Look at the billboards behind Gorman. Ads for mustard and cigarettes. Very appropriate, but there should be a beer ad, too. Fans equated Gorman Thomas with good times, brats and beer.
And mustaches. Yes, dammit, mustaches.
James Gorman Thomas hit 45 home runs in 1979 to lead the league in the most powerful stat known to man.
His hobbies were drag racing and rock music.
Nobody could touch him.
But there were signs. Teammates noticed how Gorman almost always ate his steaks rare and he was never satisfied with any quantity of liquid. In the locker room bathroom, people say, Thomas would talk about "marking his territory" and teammates thought it was a joke. Then there was the time Ben Oglivie and Cecil Cooper came back to the locker room late at night before going to a club because Coop forgot his wallet, and they saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes over by Thomas' locker in the dark.
Then the assistant groundskeeper was attacked. And police still can't find that ball girl.
Thomas started to get out of control and the Brewers had to put him behind a cage during games.
Fans still thought he just liked drag racing and rock music.
It's still there on his 1983 Kellogg's 3-D card.
But a super rare version of this card exists. It was apparently altered by Thomas himself under the influence of a full moon.
He was A MONSTER.
The Brewers could no longer deal with an alleged werewolf running around their clubhouse. So they executed the baseball version of shooting a werewolf with a silver bullet.
They traded him to Cleveland.
Nobody ever heard about the werewolf again.
Happy Halloween.
(*Disclaimer: This is a fantasy tale about Gorman Thomas, none of it is true except for the drag racing, rock music and home runs ... and the mustache).
Comments