Thursday, January 6, 2011

There are degrees of "worst"

Place: 6th
Votes: 1
It's crime: Character assassination
How to fix it: Wait a second. He'll close his mouth. Really. He will.

Place: 5th
Votes: 1
It's crime: Creating non-descript shapes can cause imaginations to run wild.
How to fix it: Turn the orange, gaseous-looking cloud into a parachute. How cool would it be for a parachute to be trailing Ramirez? I mean it worked for Metal in the late '90s.

Place: 4th
Votes: 3
It's crime: Lazy-ass laziness
How to fix it: Pick a different photo of Joba! Come on! Topps' main offices are in New York! How difficult can this be?

Place: 3rd
Votes: 3
It's crime: Boring-ass boring.
How to fix it: Um, I don't know. Like have the players DO something?

Place: 2nd
Votes: 13
It's crime: Bugs and celebrities don't belong in a baseball card set.
How to fix it: If you're going to put Megan Fox in a card set, go all-out. I'll let you decide what "all-out" means.

Place: 1st
Votes: 38
It's crime: Creating a nightmarish prison scenario that runs in a continuous loop in collectors' heads.
How to fix it: Make the @&#% card VERTICAL! VERTICAL! NOT HORIZONTAL!

Congrats, to Lance Berkman, Mike Hampton and Photo Day "Fun". This card is officially, without question, the worst card of 2010.

May we never speak of this year ... or this card ... again.

Thanks for voting.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Megan Fox doesn't need to go all out, she just needs to face forward.

    And make that card vertical?!? ARE YOU MAD?!?!

    You make that card vertical and all of a sudden it goes from "I wish I knew how to quit you" to "SURPRISE! BUTTSECKS." in one fell swoop.

  3. I am going on faith that a vertical card would show that Lance and Mike are less Brokeback than this present photo indicates.

    I have to -- I already have trouble sleeping.