No Bryce here

I received some cards from Adam of My Cardboard Mistress a couple of weeks ago.

Or as I like to call it:

B.B.

Before Bryce.

I know there aren't very many collectors out there anymore that care about non-Bryce Harper cards. But I'll press on for the two that do. It's not my fault, nor Adam's fault, that we agreed upon a trade before everyone opened their eyes and realized that there was only one player's cards worth pursuing.

So, here are the worthless cards that Adam sent. I hope you will forgive me:

Not Bryce Harper.

Not Bryce Harper. Too many letters.

A Bowman card. But not Bryce Harper.

Another Bowman card, but just a guy with a weird last name. Bryce Harper has a weird first name.

Blake is closer to Bryce. But that is not Bryce Harper with a bat on his bat.

Not Bryce Harper on a carrier ship.

Not Bryce Harper in his 142nd game.

Not Bryce Harper on a 2008 Heritage short-print.

Not Bryce Harper on some shiny.

Not Bryce Harper reflecting the current top of the A.L. East standings.

Not Bryce Harper on one of those Pinnacle 4-in-1 Stand-Up cards.

Getting closer. But not Bryce Harper.

Oooh. Getting real close. But still not Bryce Harper.

Bryce Harper hasn't hit two grand slams in one inning of a major league game. Not Bryce Harper.

Working on his Bryce Harper stare. But not Bryce Harper.

Tats! I'm guessing Bryce Harper either has or will end up with a bunch of tats. But these are not Bryce Harper's tats. Therefore, nobody cares.

Adam, you thoroughly disappoint me with your non-Bryce Harper cards and non-Bryce Harper tats. You may think that these cards are a suitable replacement for the greatness of Bryce Harper, but you and I both know that they are pathetically lacking. We are a disgrace to collectorhood.

Nothing compares to a card of Bryce Harper. It's all a collector wants out of a hobby. Just look at this. Is there anything better in life? The answer is Bryce ... I mean no.

Um ... wait, I think I forgot a card.

Hold on ...

Here it is:

Eh. It's just Jackie Robinson. A short-print of Jackie Robinson. It's not even from (*sniff*) this year.

Definitely not Bryce Harper.

...

...

Thank God.

(Thanks Adam!)