Thursday, March 24, 2011
Bad hair day
Topps Heritage seems intent this year on featuring ballplayer's hairstyles. It's an ugly turn that's excused as "staying true to the original."
However, I think most of the players who were not wearing caps in the 1962 Topps set didn't wear them because either they were just traded or Topps thought that they would be traded. Baseball expanded by two teams in '62 and there were players moving everywhere. So Topps asked the player to take off the cap. Just in case.
Then, when the player was traded or drafted by an expansion team, Topps had a capless photo at the ready.
I could be wrong, but I don't think there was any MLB expansion in 2011.
I also don't think Ian Kinsler has been traded. Or is about to be traded. (Or is that short).
The same goes for Carlos Gonzalez or Hanley Ramirez or Carlos Lee or Jason Bay or Hunter Pence. Yet, all are devoid of headwear in 2011 Heritage.
This is very irksome.
Why am I so cranky about this?
Well, this would annoy me on any regular old day, but it bothers me a lot more today because I just got finished with yet another craptastic March day. It's amazing how much this month can dish out. I won't go into detail for fear that my blog is tapped, but let's just say I wasn't around a whole lot of normal today.
Then, after all of that nonsense, I took solace in a local big box store and grabbed some Heritage cards. I was looking for some cards for Joe, who sent me this:
But instead of something special from my purchases, I pulled this:.
Ah, yes. It's jackass. Still not funny, jackass.
This is how I was rewarded for my nine hours that I'll never get back again.
I'm certain, without even counting my Heritage cards, that I have way more Giants than any other team -- even the Yankees. I tell you, I was fuming. I shouldn't have been. It's just freakin' cards. But I was.
But then I saw this.
Good on ya, Steve! You got me out of my foul mood.
So much so that I started to think that Wilson's excuse for a 'do reminded me of something, but I didn't know what. I actually stared at his card some more (instead of feeding it to the dog) to try to figure out who had hair like that.
I started pondering all the high hair I had seen.
Did Wilson remind me of Rihanna?
Absolutely not. I'd never besmirch the lovely Ree. Even after she ruined Matt Kemp for 2010.
How about Amy Winehouse?
Well, Wilson may be as crazy as the formerly cracked-out Amy, but that's just not the right hairdo. And she might be scarier than Wilson.
Marge Simpson, perhaps?
Wilson is practically a cartoon character, but that's too easy. Besides, all these "people" were female. This wasn't what I was thinking of at all.
Jimmy Neutron? At least he's male. But Wilson's hair definitely doesn't remind me of a soft-serve ice cream cone.
Christopher Walken? Wilson wishes on his dying day that he could be as awesome as THE Bruce Dickinson.
Don King? Getting closer. But this just reminds me of how unoriginal Wilson is. King was doing the high hair thing since before Wilson was born.
I started to think I would never figure out where I had seen that hair before.
I quietly pondered a little more.
Then I heard it.
Off in the distance. But getting closer.
Was that ... was that ... maracas? And merengue drums? Did I see Bill Murray? And a limbo pole?
Yes, I did. Why it's ... it's ...
HOW YOU FEELIN???????????
Yes sahhhh!!!!!!! Looks like a match to me!
Brian Wilson and Buster Poindexter. No, not Buster Posey. Buster Poindexter.
It's the name of the character created by New York Dolls singer David Johansen. He called him "the bane of my existence."
Yeah, that sums up Wilson pretty well for me.
But at least my mood's better.
ole, ole, ole, ole.