The worst card of 2010: contestants #1 and #2

I hesitated about doing this again this year. I intend to cut down on my purchasing of current cards, and because of that, I didn't think I could get an accurate assessment of the ugliness of 2010.

But we know how that goes. The road to hell, and all that. I will probably end up with plenty of 2010 cards that I have no interest in, good intentions or not.

Plus, folks are sending me cards that they believe are "Worst Card" candidates. I can't let those good people down.

So, if you see a "Worst Card" candidate and can bear to part with it, send it to me. I'll be happy to take it and display it here -- if it meets my own stringent worstiness guidelines.

And with that, here are the first two "Worst Card of 2010" candidates. Both have been featured on blogs a number of times already and panned by the majority, so I'm not sure how much insight I can add. But at least you know these two cards are now Certifiably Awful.

We plunge into the depths:

Worst Card candidate #1: Yes, you knew this card was coming. This might be the creepiest card of all-time, although there are a bunch of cards from the 1990s that would give it a run for its money.

The least that Topps could have done is make this a vertical photo. Way too much left to the imagination. And the less said about that the better.

I'm just glad the back of this card is a checklist. I don't need a write-up on the back that says Hampton and Berkman are sleep-over buddies. Puking once when I see this card is enough.

Worst Card candidate #2: Ah, Upper Deck. Your ability to annoy has no end. I've read about people actually defending these cards. All right. To each his own. But I'm saying that with my mind officially blown. And not in the good way. This is one of those "Celebrity Predictors" inserts, which feature likenesses of famous folks with a write-up about each on the back. But the person pictured is not named.

OK, Here is my annoyance: I know some people consider these fun. Whatever. Personally, I hate having pop culture infiltrate every element of society. I rarely watch non-baseball TV, I watch movies even less. I don't read celebrity magazines or gossip sheets. I'm not a fan of Hollywood. Yet I come across celebrities in so-called "news coverage" and see celebrity reports worm their way into sports news. And now it's in baseball cards. I don't even know who the guy with the caterpillar eyebrows is.

I do know who the gal is. But that's because I'm a guy, and it is my duty to know who women who look like that are. It's in the job description. But I've never seen her movies. And until I read the card, I never knew that Megan Fox had an issue with her thumbs. When I look at Megan Fox, I'm not looking at her thumbs.

So, I guess, in that way, the card was informative: it taught me that someone -- whether it was Fox or some snarky person unhappy with their body image -- pointed out Fox's thumbs. That's a gold star for you Upper Deck. Excellent job.

OK, those are the first two candidates. I don't know how we can get any lower. But I know someone out there is trying.