Tilt

I hate to get all grandpa on you, but it's on my mind, so you're going to read it.

I was looking at this fine Upper Deck card sent to me by madding of Cards on Cards, tilting the card this way and that to figure out what the heck was written on it, when it occurred to me:

I'm SICK of TILTING cards!

Now, tilting to see a second or third image on a Sportflic item, or tilting to see the rainbowosity of a refractor is one thing. As much as I'd like to absorb everything on a card with a single glance while it's lying flat, I do see the point of truly playing with your cards. It makes the hobby more fun.

But tilting every which way in order to READ what the heck is on the front of the card is getting way old. I'm not 65 years old. I don't need bifocals. I have excellent eyesight. Stop making me feel like I play bingo every Monday.

Gold and silver foil is cool in moderation, but I don't think it needs to go on lettering anymore. As much as I liked this year's Topps flagship set, the foil lettering nagged at me in the back of my mind.

You can sort of read Asdrubal Cabrera's name here, but it's tricky. And at first glance, when I'm looking at my 2009 set in my binder, it just looks like a collection of wordless photos, because you can't see the type. It looks like something got left off the card.

If you're going to foil-up the lettering, make the letters nice and big, like on 2007 Topps:

That is a lot more legible, like Mike Lowell's signature.

Don't get me wrong, I love shiny. Chrome is my friend, shiny cards are my posse. Cards can shine on for the rest of time. But give it a break on the letters. My aging eyes can't take it. And you know what us old people do when we get angry don't you? We start writing letters. Don't make me do that. You're already making me feel older than I am.

So, enough with the tilting. I don't have to tilt a book, I don't have to tilt a magazine or a newspaper. I don't have to tilt my computer (built-in advantage: it's back-lit). I don't have to tilt appliance instructions or recipe cards or bank forms. Cards are for reading, too. I would like to read my cards without constant adjustments.

So, get it fixed. Once you do that, we'll address black card numbers on dark backgrounds.

(For all you fellow geezers out there, the top card reads "Return of the Ace" on the top and "Kevin Brown" on the bottom).