Old crushes

 

 

I just ran through a list of famous women who are considered the most beautiful in the world to confirm something for myself:

Yup, I was right, I don't care about famous beautiful women anymore.

OK, wait, let me explain that.

I don't care enough about famous beautiful women to get to know who they are, obsess over them, watch all their movies or TV shows, put up posters of them in my room, you know, all that stuff I did when I was younger -- when famous beautiful women were almost all that was on my mind. Well, that and baseball cards.

Half of the women on the "most beautiful" list I barely knew and a few I was seeing for the first time. Fifteen-year-old me would be so disappointed with myself. But that stuff isn't as important as it once seemed. That's what happens when you're settled in a marriage and all the life that follows. One day you wake up and you're 50 and your libido has ... well where did I put that thing?

Still, like everything when you're 50, it's fun to look back. I've had celebrity crushes. Oh, have I ever. I have lots of old crushes.

So let's review -- in card form:

I hit puberty right around the time of "Jiggle Shows" and teenage boys putting Farrah's swimsuit poster up on bedroom walls everywhere.

I was too young for that -- not that mom would let that fly -- but I do remember attempting to stay up to watch "Charlie's Angels" when I could.

 

But my first "old crush" was probably Olivia Newton-John. She was everywhere when I was 13, but I never saw "Grease". No, my obsession with ONJ arrived with the release of her album "Totally Hot" in late 1978. Nobody remembers that album -- it's the one before "Physical" -- but I was kind of obsessed with the songs on that album. "A Little More Love" is still one of my favorite songs by her.

Here is a weird thing: I once had an argument with my dad over whether Linda Ronstadt was a good singer. He was adamant she was not. I thought he was crazy. It didn't end well. I felt like I was defending her honor. That's how much I liked her. That cover of her on roller skates for the "Living in the USA" album killed me.

 

The movie "10" was released in October, 1979. I was 14. I never saw it. Still haven't seen it. But you didn't need to see it to see Bo Derek. She was in every magazine, all over television.

The ultimate sex symbol when I was a freshman/sophomore in high school. Brooke Shields' Calvin Klein commercials and those color ads in Sports Illustrated and Life were the highlight of reading time in the library. ... Don't ask me what this card is though.

 

Deborah Harry marks a key moment in my crush history. Have you ever tried to draw your crushes? I did that with Harry, pulling out my copy of Blondie's Greatest Hits album and sketching a full poster-size picture of her that I apparently was so satisfied with (not an easy feat) that I put it up on the bulletin board in my bedroom and it stayed there for months.

It automatically follows that if you had a crush on Debbie Harry then you had one on Pat Benatar, too. I actually bought more Benatar albums than Blondie albums. "In The Heat Of The Night," "Precious Time" and "Get Nervous" were all in my collection.

I wish there were more trading cards of Phoebe Cates. She appears on a few of the Gremlins cards but this is her most prominent card and she's not exactly chipper. The Cates obsession, of course, came from "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" but also the movie "Private School." She also had a down-to-earth charm on talk shows that got my attention.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition celebrity was really born in the 1980s, despite Cheryl Tiegs in the '70s. Christie Brinkley's arrival and then Paulina Porizkova and Elle McPherson vaulted the issue into everyone's view. I was there for it, but I didn't really have "a girl" until Kathy Ireland came along. She seemed more relatable than some of those other models.

Ireland was my crush when I met who would become my wife. She thought it was cute. She was never bothered by that stuff.

 

Paula Abdul came along when my future wife and I were still dating. When we weren't going out, we used to stay up late watching music videos (TBS used to air nonstop videos from like 10 p.m. until 6 in the morning). She noticed my eyes light up when Abdul's "Straight Up" came on and the teasing began.

I don't think I've ever watched an episode of Baywatch but you don't need to to notice Pamela Anderson and Nicole Eggert. But Yasmine Bleeth just seemed like from another world to me. Joey and Chandler were right.

 

 

"Get a good look, Costanza?" ... I first became acquainted with Denise Richards from that "Seinfeld" episode. The obsession followed through movies like "Wild Things" and "Starship Troopers." She was everywhere in the '90s.

I have never seen an episode of "90210" but I have watched every episode of "Charmed" that Shannen Doherty was in. It wasn't even the kind of TV show I was into but Aaron Spelling had his ways of keeping you watching. Shannen is probably my longest-lasting celebrity crush.

 

 

It follows that if you were a guy and watching "Charmed" that you would naturally find Alyssa Milano appealing, too. My interest in Milano lasted for a long time after "Charmed" as she became known as a devoted Dodger fan. And then people would create custom cards of her in Dodger gear for me. I even posted about her a few times in the early days of this blog.

Finally a celebrity crush with no shortage of trading cards. I used to have a co-worker who shared my "interest" in Anna Kournikova. Only he would actually post photos of her on his desk. We had access to lots of photos of her off the sports wire. My only regret was I wasn't watching tennis very much during her career.

 

Back to the supermodels. After Kathy Ireland, there were a couple of favorites. Anyone remember Stacey Williams? She doesn't have any cards that I know of. But Marissa Miller does.

So does Kate Upton. Come on.

Probably my most recent "old crush" is Emma Stone. I requested a custom card from Baseball Card Breakdown's Gavin several years ago around the time of a couple blockbuster movies she was in. I even went to that "La La Land" movie, which is like a musical, which is something I typically avoid always.

That brings you up to date, although there are several more crushes who don't really have any cards, hotties like Valerie Bertinelli and Jaime Pressly and Lindsay Lohan (she does have an outrageously priced autograph card) and Janet Jones, who would become Janet Gretzky and whose poster sat on my wall for half of my college career.

 

But I've moved out of that age 18-44 demographic. I just don't care. I sometimes come across some entertainment piece about some famous woman's beauty, but unless it's Gal Gadot or Margot Robbie, I don't really get it. Don't even bring up the Kardashians.

I'm content these days to hang out with my forever crush whose been with me through a lot of the old crushes. She doesn't get excited about Kathy Ireland and I don't get excited about Rick Springfield.