30 teams, 2021 edition (6 months late)

Yesterday, either just before or after the Dodgers' sweep of the Padres, I reveled in knowing that nobody remembers, or rather nobody wants to bring up, that the Padres were crowned MLB's "it" team during the offseason and into the current season. I really miss objective baseball writers, because it becomes obvious that a lot of national online writers have no qualms about rooting for certain teams, mostly because they have young stars.

The Padres, per usual, are now on a path to nowhere, but as I was reflecting, I started to wonder whether I got caught up in the Padres Hype Train, too (no, no, don't worry, it's not like I wanted them to win). Didn't I say that this might be the year they put all the mediocrity aside during my annual "30 Teams" post?

 

I scrambled to look up the most recent 30 Teams post from this past February/March and ... didn't find one.

 

What the heck? Did I not write my traditional post that's been taking place the last dozen years and many years before I had a blog, as well? And, if so, did nobody call me out on it?

 

It appears that's the case.

 

I just plain forgot this year.

 

This is very unlike me. But I am going to right a wrong. I am going to post my annual ranking of all 30 teams in terms of how I like them, from the sweetest of the sweet to the smelliest of the smelly, at the end of August, one month before the season is done.

 

 I considered skipping over it until 2022 because, after all, this has been a spring training tradition, it comes out when the birds and baseballs do. But being late is better than being absent altogether. So you're getting the ranking, complete with an update on all of my 2021 feelings about each team (sneak peek: I have no 2021 feelings about a lot of them).

This year I am going 15 years back in time and showing a 2006 card with each team. Not only was 2006 the year I returned to modern baseball cards, but it's also the first year where you can find all 30 current teams in the flagship set.

 

So, here we go. Per usual, post this where you can see it. And I apologize to those who have been sitting on the couch for five months wondering who to root for because they didn't have my list.

 

Here we go:

 

1. LOS ANGELES DODGERS (highest ranking: 1st, lowest ranking: 1st)

I am your typical fan. I understand completely when someone doesn't like a particular team. But I am mystified that anyone would dislike the Dodgers. And their reasons for doing so are always stupid.

2. KANSAS CITY ROYALS (highest ranking: 2nd, lowest ranking: 5th)

 

The Royals recently played a couple series against the Astros. If that isn't the most crystal-clear battle of good vs. evil on a baseball field.

 

 

3. PITTSBURGH PIRATES (highest ranking: 3rd; lowest ranking: 5th)

Last Sunday I watched ESPN's broadcast of the Angels-Indians game from Williamsport, more out of morbid curiosity than anything. I couldn't stand it. There were more in-game interviews than ever, practically one every half inning. There were guest stars, players trying to answer questions while fielding, it was exasperating, a talk show pretending it was a baseball game.

The very next day, I watched MLB Network's airing of the Diamondbacks-Pirates game, again out of morbid curiosity. Why was this game on national TV? But the broadcast couldn't have been more enjoyable. The Pirates announcers were casual, simply chatting about the game. There was no script, no agendas, no trying to jam 15 things into a break in the action. The broadcast matched the rhythm of the game. The Pirates may not win much. But there are a lot of reasons to like them.

 

4. TORONTO BLUE JAYS (highest ranking: 4th; lowest ranking: 18th)

The Blue Jays rocket from ninth in 2019 to fourth, the highest they've been. This is completely due to the fact that they played a bunch of games in Buffalo the last couple of seasons. I didn't even get a chance to see them play there. Imagine if I did. They would be my second-favorite team by now.

5. BALTIMORE ORIOLES (highest ranking: 3rd; lowest ranking: 17th)

The Orioles drop two spots because I just can't have a team who seems to have massive losing streaks as part of their DNA ranked that highly. What will the neighbors say?

 

6. OAKLAND ATHLETICS (highest ranking: 4th; lowest ranking: 8th)

A TV reporter covering the A's-Yankees game yesterday mentioned on Twitter that a Dodgers fan was shown on the stadium scoreboard and somebody booed. Again, I don't understand this. What was this for, 1988? The Dodgers were just evening the score for 1974. Maybe boo your management who can field a team only as good as being a push-over for the Yankees when the playoffs come around.

 

 

7. BOSTON RED SOX (highest ranking: 2nd; lowest ranking: 7th)

The other day at work I was trying to name who was on the Red Sox's starting pitching staff. I mentioned Nathan Eovaldi and then I was lost. I'm assuming this is the reason they've faded the last few weeks. I don't know, I'm not a Red Sox fan, I couldn't even name the pitching staff.

8. CLEVELAND INDIANS (highest ranking: 6th; lowest ranking: 17th)

Next year when I write this ranking (if I don't forget), they will be the Guardians. I'm assuming they're going to get a whole bunch new fans with this new name. I bet the stands will be a lot more colorful, too.

 

9. PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES (highest ranking: 2nd; lowest ranking: 10th)

The Phillies were the team I was hoping would come out of the muddled NL East because there's not much I like in that division, but I guess that's not gonna happen.

10. MINNESOTA TWINS (highest ranking: 9th; lowest ranking: 14th)

I want this team to draw my attention. They never seem to want to do that though.

11. TEXAS RANGERS (highest ranking: 5th; lowest ranking: 12th)

The Rangers have fallen off a cliff in terms of me paying attention to them. Ten years ago it was so much different.

12. DETROIT TIGERS (highest ranking: 7th; lowest ranking: 13th)

This is what I've been hoping for from the Twins. The Tigers have had every reason in the world lately for me to ignore them. But then they actually started winning some games this year and I had to figure out who was on the team.

13. CINCINNATI REDS (highest ranking: 9th; lowest ranking: 13th)

The Reds are a fun team. Hopefully my opinion doesn't change in the playoffs. But they should get bonus points just by booting the Padres out of the postseason.

14. SEATTLE MARINERS (highest ranking: 14th; lowest ranking: 20th)

The Mariners are giving hope to the sad-sack Seattle fan in the office who uses them as example of how everything in his life goes wrong. I need you to win, Mariners.

15. TAMPA BAY RAYS (highest ranking: 15th; lowest ranking: 23rd)

You would think the Rays would slip since they were the World Series opponent of the Dodgers and all that residual angst would linger, but actually it's all forgotten. That's what happens when you need someone to beat the Yankees in the division.

16. CHICAGO WHITE SOX (highest ranking 6th; lowest ranking: 16th)

Is anyone else concerned when they look in the White Sox dugout and see Tony LaRussa standing there as if he's barely alive? Is he going to make it through the playoffs? Or is he going to outlive us all?

17. MIAMI MARLINS (highest ranking: 13th; lowest ranking: 18th)

I'd be happy if I never saw another game in their stadium again.

18. CHICAGO CUBS (highest ranking: 18th; lowest ranking: 25th)

The Cubs take the second-highest jump in the ratings. I don't think it's because they dumped all of their top players. Well, maybe a little. Mostly it's because I looked at the other teams that were left and realized I'd want the Cubs to beat all of them.

19. NEW YORK METS (highest ranking: 16th; lowest ranking: 21st)

Mets fans get really noisy I've noticed when their team plays the Dodgers. Not that it helps. The Dodgers still swept in New York.

 

 

 

20. WASHINGTON NATIONALS (highest ranking: 19th; lowest ranking: 24th)

 

Now that the Nationals aren't World Series champions anymore, I don't have anything to say. Is Juan Soto still 21?

 

 

21. ATLANTA BRAVES (highest ranking: 19th; lowest ranking: 24th)

I am downgrading the Braves in anticipation of the Dodgers playing them in the playoffs. They always seem to do so. The Dodgers always seem to win though. But dealing with Braves fans on social media is not pleasant. (I know, I know, don't go on social media).

22. COLORADO ROCKIES (highest ranking: 22nd; lowest ranking: 26th)

Why are the Rockies?

23. MILWAUKEE BREWERS (highest ranking: 10th; lowest ranking: 23rd)

I understand the Brewers are very good. I didn't want to know that.

24. ST. LOUIS CARDINALS (highest ranking: 6th; lowest ranking: 25th)

When did I rank them sixth? Was that in 1978?

25. LOS ANGELES ANGELS (highest ranking: 25th; lowest ranking: 26th)

Here is all you need to know about someone rooting for their team on Facebook:

I know an Angels fan. It's all good news all the time for the Angels on his Facebook page, which means mostly stuff about Ohtani. Yesterday, he mentioned that Ohtani hit a home run to lead off the game. Then no mention of the rest of the game. The Orioles won 13-1. Also no mention of the Orioles breaking their 19-game losing streak by beating the Angels ... that is sports rooting on Facebook.

 

26. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS (highest ranking: 26th; lowest ranking: 29th)

(I like my new phone scanner, but sometimes it cuts off borders). Even though the Diamondbacks have won a World Series, I still have a difficult time considering them an actual major league team. Still hoping for contraction someday.

27. SAN DIEGO PADRES (highest ranking: 26th; lowest ranking: 27th)

I do expect the Padres to end a franchise lifetime of incompetence someday. I'm just hoping I won't be around to see it.

28. HOUSTON ASTROS (highest ranking: 5th; lowest ranking: 28th)

I expect one of the bottom three here to win the World Series this year. 

 

29. SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS (highest ranking: 29th; lowest ranking: 30th)

The Giants are doing that voodoo thing again, in which the players on the field do not compute with their vastly successful record. They've got a few star players but the rest is a collection of cast-offs that if the Dodgers tried doing the same with the same players would perform exactly as their past stats say. I fully expect the Giants to win the World Series. The fact that no one predicted them for anything better than third place is just the weirdest thing. It's evil voodoo I tell ya.

30. NEW YORK YANKEES (highest ranking: 28th; lowest ranking: 30th)

"Night Owl, if you hate the Giants so much, how come they're not last?"

Easy answer. If the Giants win the World Series, it happens in a far-off place. If the Yankees win the World Series, I have to deal with it where I live.

OK, this is where I wish you happy rooting and a quick take on what to expect for the season. But the season is almost done!

I'll get back on track next year. Sorry about that.

But at least I didn't say anything good about the Padres.