Chrome has intimacy issues

I used to love Chrome. Really, really love it. And if you've read this blog for more than a couple of years, you've seen my drooling posts.

Chrome is very difficult to resist. How else is Topps getting people to buy the same cards that are in the base set for the 19TH YEAR IN A ROW????

Chrome is the intoxicating woman spotted at the night club. You know you shouldn't. You know it will end horribly. But, yet ... you're in. Hopelessly. In.

Fortunately, the last couple of years I've managed to keep my distance. I've limited my pack purchases of Chrome to just a rack pack or two. And after two years, I thought I had become immune to Chrome's siren song.

Until today.

In Walmart, hiding behind the discarded shopping carts (why is the card aisle the place where Walmart employees feel they can dispose of carts full of random goods? There are collectors walkin' here!!!) I heard Chrome speak to me and I instantly grew knock-kneed. I hadn't purchased cards in a month. But $9.98 later -- that's 62 cents a card -- a Chrome "value pack" was coming home with me.

We were in a relationship. Again.

I didn't expect this to end any better than the previous relationships. I expected a lot of oohing and aahing followed by a lot of cursing and yelling.

But for a moment -- for a brief wonderful moment -- I thought Chrome and I were going to become an item.

Here's why:

PACK 1

#98 - Erik Johnson, White Sox

White Sock on the wrapper. White Sock first card out. That's all I've got to say. It's the White Sox.

#195 - Gio Gonzalez, Nationals

I've pulled Nationals regularly in each of the last four years of Chrome. This is one of the big fights I have with Chrome. How do you expect me to get close to you when you keep boring me with your Nationals?

#192 - Carl Crawford, Dodgers, blue refractor, #78/199

Wow. I think Chrome wants to be more than just friends! I realize these blue borders from the last two years are pathetic diluted versions of the wonderful Chrome blue borders of the past. But I will not complain about suddenly feeling good about shelling out 10 bucks for this.

#62 - Zach Walters, Nationals

Chrome, please. Enough with the Nationals talk. You were doing so well.


PACK 2

#87 - Zack Wheeler, Mets

Automatic trade bait.

#192 - Carl Crawford, Dodgers

Awwwww. Isn't that sweet? Chrome found a regular Crawford to go with my blue border Crawford. Chrome really likes me.

#137 - Ivan Nova, Yankees

Bleah.

#208 - Jason Grilli, Pirates

Not the most exciting pack. But Chrome is still holding my interest.


PACK 3

#100 - Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers

CHROME!!!!!!! I LUVVVVV YOU! YOU REALLY CARE!!!!!!

#CC-RB - Ryan Brawn, Brewers, diecut whatever we're calling these things.

Sigh. This is what Chrome does. It teases me with a Kershaw and then throws one of my least favorite players in my face in a fancy diecut design.

As usual, I will have to get rid of this card as quickly as possible. And now Chrome and I are having a fight.

#180 - Alex Rios, Rangers

#211 - Jurickson, Profar, Rangers

Giving me back-to-back Rangers isn't going to mend things, Chrome. I'm not Play At The Plate.


ORANGE REFRACTOR 3-PACK

OK, this is where the relationship usually ends.

I have terrible luck with orange refractors. I never pull Dodgers. Yet I pull an inordinate number of Cardinals and Reds, or worse, teams I cannot trade like Mariners, Marlins and Nationals. You should see the blow-ups Chrome and I have when I suggest creating orange refractors with no Mariners or Marlins in them.

Usually, the orange refractors result in me storming off and vowing to never buy Chrome again.

Let's see what happens here.

#87 - Zack Wheeler, Mets

Wow. At least Max is getting lucky.

#197 - Andrew Cashner, Padres

Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Cashner faces the Dodgers tonight. He already owns the Dodgers. Based on me pulling this card, Cashner will now throw a no-hitter and hit three grand slams.

#7 - Matt Cain, Giants


THAT'S IT CHROME!!!! I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!

YOU COULDN'T LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU GAVE ME DODGERS AND THEN THREW GIANTS AND PADRES IN MY FACE!!!!!! 

I'M DONE WITH YOU!! DONE!!!!!

(*Slam*)

Welp. I tried.

Again.

Obviously, Chrome has intimacy issues.

(But three Dodgers isn't bad).