Bats in my belfry

I received this fine card from Bud of First Day Issue. He is always thinking of me, and you can't do a better job of finding something I like than tracking down something with Ron Cey on it.

The addition of Bill Russell is a bonus, as is bad-ass club member George Foster, even if the pairing of 1970s Dodgers and Reds is odd, since they were sworn enemies. After all, it was the Reds, Yankees and Linda Blair who taught me what true evil was.

As for the top right corner of the card, I'll ignore my least favorite announcer (when Chris Berman is in the studio anyway). I'll put my thumb over Morgan's face when I'm showing off the card.

But that's not the thing that is distressing me. The nagging question I have is this: how do I know that these bat scraps are from four different bats used individually by Cey, Russell, Foster and Morgan?

I find a single swatch or a single bat sliver on a card believable. But four different bat slivers? Four different bat slivers from the bats of four different players? Four different bat slivers from the bats of four different players whose careers were at their prime 30 years ago?

I'm not willing to suspend disbelief in this case. Did Upper Deck really go through the trouble of finding those four bats and making sure a sliver of each was available for this card, and then applied each sliver to the proper spot and didn't mix them up?

The back says:

"You have received a Game-Used Bats trading card from The Upper Deck Company, LLC. On the front of this card are authentic pieces of bats used by George Foster, Joe Morgan, Ron Cey and Bill Russell in official Major League Baseball games."

I need more than that Upper Deck. For a four-bat card I need names, dates, locations and license plate numbers. How do I know you didn't just cut up a shelf in one of your offices and afix the remnants to this card? I mean you half-ass whole CARD SETS. One card is nothing for you.

I will not rest until I get the facts. I will work day and night. I will go through your garbage. I'll find the master key and sneak into your headquarters. I'll call in tree experts and ...

What?

Shut up, Night Owl and enjoy the card?

But how will I ever find out ...

(*sigh*)

Oh, all right.

(Thanks, Bud!)