Wednesday, February 16, 2011

There's no pleasing some people


Right?

How many times have you come across some cool, new discovery and talked excitedly about it and the other person immediately finds something wrong with it.

We recently got that Netflix thingy where you can receive movies right on your TV. You pay a tiny monthly fee and the movies are right there. No sending stuff through the mail, no going to the video store. Nothing.

It's tremendous, right? Even for someone like me who watches like two movies a year, it's tremendous. So, we talk about this to people, because we think it's cool, and this one dude, who has to find fault with everything anyone does, says, "Yeah, but you can't get the most recent movies on it."

Oh, boo-hoo. I'm getting movies direct to my home for next to no cost, and there are many, many semi-current movies listed, and I'm going to bitch because I can't see Jackass 3D? I think I'll survive.

Fortunately, that never happens with cards. Every card is awesome and perfect and every last person loves every single thing about them. It's a unanimous opinion every time. Yup.

I happen to have an especially great perfect card. It came out of another giant box of cards sent by Joe of Cobb and Halladay. Start looking in your thesaurus for words of praise.

Behold:


That's Don Zimmer's rookie card, a '55 Topps. In 1955, nobody was burdened by the question of "is this his rookie card?", which already makes the '50s seem like an ideal time period to me. But I plan to tell everyone who I think might be impressed by the rookie concept: This is Zim's rookie card! Lookie! Lookie!


OK, so you're not awed by vintage rookies. Vintage is boring and smelly. They made the cards out of cardboard back then ... eeewwwwwwww! So I've got something else for all you newbies. It's a rookie card of The Bison. But not just any rookie card. It's a Bowman gold parallel rookie card. Yes. How's them potatoes?


All right, you don't go for the rookie thing at all. I hear ya. I don't either. Rookies are lame and stupid and get dressed  up in humiliating costumes just because a teammate hides their regular clothes. I have no time for children. Give me a veteran and a piece of jersey. Relics are king, correct? Heritage relics aren't the most exciting, but I sure am happy to add another Ethier relic to the collection. So, satisfied?


No? Don't like relics anymore, huh? Especially the gray ones? OK, I can see that. It's just a piece of clothing. Probably wasn't even washed. So how about this? We're staying with the same player because Ethier is THE MAN. But instead it's a terrific autographed card from last year's Topps. That sure is snazzy. Right? Right?


Yeah, I see your point. Sticker autos are the worst. And what's with that signature? Doesn't Ethier have round, tall letters in his name? What we need is some shiny. But not just any shiny. Refractory shiny that makes your eyes go wOwOwOwOwow. Here's hoping Ely overthrows Jon Garland and lands in the rotation. Yay shiny!


You never liked the shiny. Who wants cards that aren't flat and won't play nice with a binder? OK, I can see that, too. How about this? A cool gold parallel of Russell Martin, pretending that they play baseball in Canada. Oh, that Russell, he's such a card. Get it? Card? ... heh.


All right, all right, they DO play baseball in Canada! Settle. And, yes, I know gold parallels are played out. And yes, I know Martin is a Yankee now, and he's not even wearing a Dodger uniform. What was I thinking? How about this then: a couple Dodgers signing autographs on shiny cards? Kind of cool, huh?


Right. You don't like shiny. You just said that. I forgot. How about these? This is about as opposite of shiny as you can. Two Hideo Nomo Diamond Kings that I didn't have before, so they go right into the Nomo collection! Weeee!


Dick Perez's drawings creep you out. OK. Those pictures weren't necessarily painted by Perez, but I understand the connection. I feel that same way sometimes. Poor choice on my part. Let's go to the 1990s instead. Here are three super shiny, super awesome cards that ... say it with me, "look better in person." I love these shiny, wacky '90s cards.


OK, I completely understand. Who has time for all those '90s inserts? You have important things to do! You don't have the time to track down all those crazy dufexy cards! I think I have something for you. Some nice old-timey tribute cards of the Bowman TV set. It's even two '50s Dodgers! Really great looking items.


Um, OK. You think tribute vintage is tired and needs to burn in an incinerator. That seems a little harsh to me, but I can dig it. How about this? Raffy!!!!!!


All right, I admit all those Furcals were just to irk the Braves fans out there. Ha-ha. Instead, let's go with a shiny Steve Finley card.


Right. You hate shiny and the girl/demon child beyond the fence is scaring the crap out of you. So how about a Martin Finest card instead?


Martin's a Yankee! I forgot! Sorry. Um, here, how about a whole mess of Diamond Kings. Look at the artful drawings!


Ooo ... right, Dick Perez sucks. But they weren't drawn by ... oh, never mind. Turkey Red instead? No?

Fine, there's just no pleasing you. Here are a few more from Joe, whether you like them or not:


I happen to think all of the above are awesome. Thanks, Joe.

7 comments:

  1. I dig your Zimmer RC. Popeye signed my '89 Topps card TTM. I know...'89 not as cool as his '55 rookie card. But it's still an auto, even if I don't have a COA to prove it. And as a matter of fact, I think all of your cards are perfect and I have nothing bad to say about a single one of them.

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  2. Awesome stuff man!!! I love the 55, naturally cause I love that set, haha, but you already knew that.

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  3. Hilarious. Great post. Love the Zim card as well!

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  4. Your cards are bad and you should feel bad!

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  5. Nice haul even if they are all Dodgers.

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