Second thoughts

Don't get excited. I'm not going back on my plan to skip collecting the 2011 Topps base set. That's still the plan. It's just after staring at the cards again, I have a few more very minor thoughts.

I did pick up another rack pack and a couple of loose packs. But I wasn't in Target on a card mission. It was a mind-numbing family outing for clothes. After a riveting discussion over the height of socks (you people with only sons and no daughters -- you have no idea), I really, really needed some cards to emerge from the store without brain damage.

So, I think I have enough cards now to produce several "firsts" for the 2011 collecting year.

Here we go:

FIRST DODGER:

The Dodgers' No. 6 starter for 2011.

FIRST DODGER THAT I LIKE:

Tremendous. I like the look of these cards. Classy. And take a peek at the back ...

Most RBIs in the '50s. Not Mickey (he's 7th). Not Willie (he's not even on the list). It's all Duke. And don't be throwing your B-R stats at me. All I see is one-oh-three-one.

FIRST DOUBLE:

Not surprised at all.

FIRST IRRITATING DOUBLE:

I suppose it's only a 50-card set, but that still hurts.

WORST STAT COMPARISON:

We all know and love these legendary lineage/diamond duo things, right? Well, at least I've come to grips with them. Some of the pairings are wacky, but whatever.

Where it gets too stupid is on the back:

The stat comparison for this pairing makes sense. Similar players, one career finished, one close to being finished.

These other stat comparisons are the template for "pointless":

If I were ever to put something like that in the sports section of the newspaper, I'd be fielding phone calls while checking my overloaded email, while sitting in my boss' office explaining why I was such a dumb-ass.

Are cards and newspapers the same? No. But does Topps have to illustrate that so CLEARLY?

THIRD BIGGEST MYSTERY:

I have two Rookie Cup cards, Buster Posey and Mike Stanton. On both of them, the type for the write-up is tinier than it is on all the other cards. Is it like that for all the other rookie cup cards? And if so, why? And did Roger McDowell (a.k.a. "the second spitter") have anything to do with this?


SECOND BIGGEST MYSTERY:

You've all seen this card. Why is the Topps logo so far down? On every other card, the Topps logo is in the top left corner. But that's not good enough for Mick. Did he kick the logo down the card with his acrobatic, one-handed slide?


DULLEST CARD:

What? You thought I was going straight to the First Biggest Mystery? Nah, I thought I'd bore you first.

Normally, I think history is cool, but any baseball card that mentions the NASDAQ exchange is automatically the dullest thing I've ever read on cardboard. I'll read checklist cards for days before I read the back of this again.

BEST STAT LINE:

It's going to take something impressive to top Chris "Never Give Up" Narveson.

That. Is. Impressive. It's like one of those old cards from the '70s. I almost expect to see a few Mexican League teams in there.

OK, FIRST BIGGEST MYSTERY (OR JUST "BIGGEST MYSTERY"):

Perhaps you read Eggrocket's comment on the previous post, wondering why Topps italicized the word "could" in the write-up on the back of the Andres Torres card.

Perhaps you thought in your head "I could care less."

But you would be wrong. Because the proper phrase is "I couldn't care less." Learn it. (It is the most irritating thing that I hear people say). You'll sound like you know what you're talking about.

Meanwhile, I actually DID care, because I looked through the other cards I have. Note the Johan Santana card back:

The "could" is italicized. I can see placing emphasis on that word in that sentence.

But what about this one?

There is no reason to emphasize "could" here at all. Yet it is italicized.

Same here.

And here, the word "could" is italicized in the middle of a quote by manager Edwin Rodriguez. Huh?

Every write-up that used the word "could" had the "could" italicized. All I can think of is some copywriter misspelled the word "could" and a search-and-replace function fixed the spelling but italicized all the words.

Or maybe I've just stumbled onto a Topps base Crack the Code puzzle.

Ah, forget that. I'll never figure out one of those things.

FINALLY, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE:

I know you have a chance to win some amazing, unattainable card or the Shinest Card of All-Time So Full Of Diamonds That You'll Have To Hire Around-The-Clock Security To Guard Your Home. But what about the rest of us? Is this like the Million Card Giveaway where most people will get cards from the '80s and '90s? Or is it like some lottery scratch off game where chances are 99.9 percent that you're going to win nothing?

I see each code unlocks "diamond digs." What are we digging for? Yeah, I know, a diamond ring. But is there anything for the rest of us?

I really need to stay informed.

But at least I can tell you all about the different heights of socks.