Yeah, we all know this isn't cool. Or at least I hope we do. But what about collecting and driving? Here are a few helpful tips for card collectors about what NOT to do while driving. You and your vehicle will thank me:
1. DO NOT open packs of cards while driving. Or at the very least, don't open blister packs while driving. The recoil from opening the pack may send you flying into the next lane of traffic.
2. DO NOT try to read the backs of cards while driving, especially the card numbers on the back of 2009 Topps. The number may look easy to read here. But in actuality, it's impossible. And you could rear-end the car in front of you. Of course, if that car is filled with text-messaging teens, then you've at least provided some poetic justice.
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3. DO NOT open your pack of cards while driving and then separate them into piles ..._NEW.jpg)
... of cards you already have ..._NEW.jpg)
... and of cards you don't have. You could steer into the tractor-trailer in the right-hand lane. And then see how many cards you need after that.
4. DO NOT try to separate a chunk of 1994 Topps Stadium Club in which the cards are stuck together. In fact, the first lesson, before you even get in the car, is that mid-1990s cards that are not separated right away will, most definitely, congeal.
Like this. Attempting to separate them while driving, again, may spring you into the next lane of traffic, and cause an accident with another collecting-while-driving violator who was trying to separate his 1994 Upper Deck cards.Ironically, in the smoldering wreckage of the crash aftermath, you will find both chunks of cards as they were before the accident. Completely intact.
5. Finally, attempting to open card packages that you received in the mail is potentially safe to do while driving, depending on how securely the package has been sealed.
If you have to bring scissors in the car to open the package, then please, by all means, pull over to the side of the road, and open the package. Your cards will thank you. And the person who sent you the package won't feel guilty about any accident that may have occurred.I hope these hints help. And, if you are driving while texting, calling, eating, reading, putting on makeup, drinking coffee, AND collecting, all while listening on your iPod, seek the help of your nearest collecting-while-driving professional (CWDP in the Yellow Pages).
(Full disclosure: I haven't done any of these. OK, maybe a couple. But I'm an excellent driver).
Comments
Good luck to your team this year... I just hope we don't have to face them again in the playoofs.
2. Guilty
3. Guilty (Sort of. Instead of the have-don't have, mine is usually into "signs in the mail" "doesn't sign in the mail" based on what I find when I check SCN on my internet-enabled mobile phone.)
4. Not Guilty (probably only because I wasn't buying that stuff back then)
5. Guilty (I use a spare set of car keys instead of scissors. You know, safety second.)
As they used to say on Hill Street Blues, "Let's be careful out there."
I am playing post-reading catch-up at the office and managed to laugh a little coffee on to my keyboard. Well done, sir. Well done.