... it's every card blogger's favorite game show:
HELLO! HELLO AND WELCOME!!! WE'RE BACK!!!
That's right! They tried to keep us away!!!!! But the masses were too insistent! "BRING BACK 'BEST CARD'!" they cried. "BRING BACK 'BEST CARD'!"
So, we're here and we're BACK! This is your host Night Owl, ready to deliver to you another episode of What's the Best Card in the Package!! You know the rules by now!!! We select 16 key cards from one card package and determine The Best Card!!!
It's fun! It's zany! It's only boring to those who DON'T MATTER!
All right! All right! Thank you folks for joining us!
Tonight, we have a crazy card package from Too Many Grandersons! Judging from what we received here tonight, he has too many of every other kind of card, too! But we're not complaining at WTBCITP! It makes for another classic edition of the game show that's sweeping the nation!!!!
Is everyone ready??!!! All right!
But first we're going to leave you dangling with this commercial break ...
HEY! We're back!
OK! It's time to play -- say it together with me now -- WHAT'S THE BEST CARD IN THE PACKAGE!!!!
Woooooo! Everyone's ready to go TONIGHT!!!
Show us the first card, Jim!
All right! It's a Rickey Henderson Dodger card! Great way to start! There aren't many Rickey-in-Dodger-blue cards out there!
Let's see who dares to take on Rickey!
Fan-tastic!!! It's a die-cut Raul Mondesi from '96 Bowman's Prime Cuts! What a great card! Even if the scan sucks!
So, the question is, who gets to advance?
It's the Mondesi card!!!! Because he's a cut above! Get it? Hey! It's very impolite to boo at a game show!
Let's get right to the next matchup, Jim!
Wow! It's one of those four-player stand-up cards from Pinnacle! Crazy card! Crazy card. And we're showing the Mike Piazza side because none of the other jokers on the card have a chance at advancing!
Who will take on the Piazza card??!!!
It's a shiny, chromy version of a Tom Lasorda Fan Favorite card! Wow, what a matchup! Mike Piazza against his godfather!!!
Who wins this thing?
Keep running, Piazza! You get to advance!!! Lasorda appeared on one too many Slim-fast commercials!
OK, Jim, put another one on the board!
Oooh, a Konerko card! That's always a worthy contender! What's with the "Little Dawgs" nickname, you're asking? Well, according to the back, it's the name Barry Larkin gave to spring training invitees because he couldn't remember their names! How annoying of Barry!!!
Konerko's foe for this round is ...
A Mike Piazza Sweet Strokes insert from Topps! This card is shinier than the lights here in the studio!! In fact, I've got to put some sunglasses on here!!!!
Alright, the shades are on, and I'm even cooler than I was before!! So, Jim, what's the best card here?!!!
Piazza! Shiny is everything in game show world! All right! All right. Piazza's card advances for the second straight time!
Let's move things along! Our next contender ...
Awesome! Hideo Nomo and the Human Torch! From the Skybox Dugout Access Superheroes series! I love the Human Torch! I love Nomo! Not that the host gets to decide anything here! It's all done by an independent panel! Really! I'm not kidding! I have nothing to do with this!
But let's see the loser ... um, I mean, the card that will go up against this awesome Nomo card!
It's a numbered (/1500) Donruss generations card of Steve Garvey and Shawn Green! Normally, this card would do quite well on our show! But not tonight!
You've got a spot in the next round Torchy!!! And you, too, Nomo!
We're still a long way from finishing the first round! But you're all still excited, right??!!! I said, YOU'RE ALL STILL EXCITED, RIGHT???!!!
That's better! Nobody boos and nobody sleeps at a game show! Got it?
All right, all right!
Jim, show us another card!
My goodness, what a terrific card! One would even call it Epix! Except that's not a word!!!!
Let's see which card doesn't have a chance against this card! Once again, I remind you, "independent panel"!!!
Oooh, sorry, strange looking man who claims to be Eric Gagne, but you're not going to win this round!
Step right this way, Murray Epix! You're the winner!
We have three more matchups to go in this initial round, let's see what we have!!!
Ooooooh! It's a very fine bat-jersey card of Shawn Green from '02 Studio! It's numbered and fancy and everything! Very nice!
Its contender is:
A Bowman gold rookie card of Kaz Ishii! Back in the day -- when "the day" was 2002 -- this card was worth quite a bit! But we all know what happened to Kaz! Actually we don't, because he's been out of baseball since 2006!!!
Anyway, here is your winner!
A jersey-bat card always beats rookie hype! Good job Green relic card!!!
Time for another showdown!
Let's go to the cards!
Terrific! It's the program cover for the 1963 World Series! What a great card!
Here we have its competitor:
It's another impressive die-cut card!!! This time it's a Bowman's Best Future Foundations Adrian Beltre item! Wow, what a tough matchup we have here!
Who will be the winner?
Oh, it's an UPSET! But we value history around here! And there's nothing we're more proud of at WTBCITP than the Dodgers' World Series sweep of the Yankees!
All right, one last matchup and we're on to the next exciting round!
Awesome! Awesome, awesome! The Jennie Finch Fans of the Game card is finally in Night Owl's clutches! I've tried to get this card for months!!!
Who dares to go up against Finch's fastball?
Oooh, it's Manny! This is another card that took awhile to land!
But the winner is:
Finch! I need a card to balance out those Fans of the Game cards of Gene Shalit and Jonathan Silverman! Way to go, Finch!!!
And that's a rap of round 1!! On to Round 2!!!!!
But first, this ...
HEY!!!!! WE'RE BACK!!!!
Ready for more excitement? The production people tell me putting on this show takes forever and, quite frankly is a pain in the ass! But we don't care, do we? Because we love WHAT'S THE BEST CARD IN THE PACKAGE!!
All right! All right. It's time for the thrilling second round. We had some great cards there, but now we have to make some tough decisions. Let's do it!
Here is our first card!
The tremendous die-cut Mondesi card! This will be difficult to knock off! Let's see who's going to try:
It's one of two Piazzas still remaining in the contest! Let's see how this one fares!
Jim, let's get a look at the winner!
Yes, it's Mondesi!!! I just couldn't ignore that Piazza was sharing a card with Charles Johnson and Javy Lopez!!!
All right, let's see who is next!
It's the other Piazza card! Will this one do any better?! It's got the shininess going for it! Let me put my shades back on!
Well, now there's a worthy challenger!! And without showing the Nomo card again, I'm going to say this card is the winner!
Piazza may have the shininess, but Nomo's got the cartoon goodness! Nomo advances!
The competition is getting fierce, ladies and gentlemen! Hold on for what's next!
Jim, what do we have?
It's that terrific Murray card! It's Epix!
Murray will take on:
The Shawn Green jersey-bat card! What a great matchup! It's Epix against Masterstrokes! Who will win? Who will win? Oh, the tension!!
Well, let's see!
We've gone bat and jersey crazy!!!! What a great card! It HAD to win!
OK, time for the final matchup in the quarterfinals of the latest episode of this great game show!!!!
It's the only card that doesn't show a person! How did this card get to this point?!!!
Someone, please, eliminate this contender!
Thank you, Jennie! You are a worthy semifinalist!
We have our FINAL FOUR! It's a great group! And we'll determine who will meet in the grand finale, right after THIS ...
Can you feel the tension?!!! Can you feel the excitement!!! We have four great cards remaining, so let's get going!!!! Can you see the sweat dripping off my face!!! Makeup! I need makeup!!
OK, let's go!! ...
Die-cut Mondesi has been a force. But will he be able to beat ...
.... the dynamic duo of Nomo and the Human Torch? Well, will he??????
NO!!!! The duo burns its way into the final!!!
In the other round, we have:
The Masterstrokes Shawn Green relic card, which will take on ...
Die-hard Dodgers fan Jennie Finch! Wow this is an excruciatingly difficult decision!!!!
Sadly, even though Jennie is a big Dodger fan, she never competed for the Dodgers, so I have to go with ...
Jennie!!!!! Who am I kidding! Did I mention I've tried to get this card for months???? Onto the finals with Miss Finch, or Mrs. Daigle, or whatever I should call her!!!!
So this is it, we're at the final showdown.
Friends, I couldn't come up with two greater cards!!!!! Well, I could, but nobody is sending me a 1954 Bowman Ted Williams!!!!!
Here are the two excellent finalists:
And the winner is ....
Oh, the suspense!!! The suspense!!!!
Jim, let's kill the suspense!!!!
But, first, this message!!!!!
HEY! THANKS FOR WAITING!!!!
That was cruel of me, but we need to pay the bills!!!
OK, now the moment you've been waiting for. The winner of the Too Many Granderson's Best Card in the Package is ....
Nomo and the Human Torch!!!!!
It is the BEST CARD IN THE PACKAGE!
Sorry, Jennie. Maybe if I got your card autographed, it would be the winner.
But there are no do-overs here on WTBCITP!!!!
That's it for tonight!!!! Will there be another episode of What's the Best Card in the Package??? I don't know!!! Did I mention how long it takes to put this together?!!!
That's all for now!!! GOOD NIGHT!