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Uncle Miltie

Can I say this? OK, yeah, I'm gonna. It's official. The Dodgers are untouchable. Bullet proof. Omniscient. Omnipotent. And all those other "omni" words.

They pitched Eric Milton last night. And they WON! I'm stupified. This is the same guy who I once held up as a symbol of why the Reds would never be a winning franchise again. I actually said that out loud.

This is the same guy who has never recorded a season ERA under 4.32 except for one year in which he pitched only 3 games. The same guy who has led the league in only two things his entire career: runs allowed and earned runs allowed. The same guy who had not won a game since 2006.

Yeah, that guy.

The Dodgers have proven me wrong again. They proved me wrong on Orlando Hudson. They proved me wrong on Randy Wolf. They proved me wrong on Juan Pierre. They proved EVERYONE wrong on Manny Ramirez (they're averaging more runs per game since Manny got himself suspended). It's crazy. Eric Stults has four wins, Jeff Weaver doesn't suck, Brad Ausmus is hitting .355. Juan Castro -- JUAN CASTRO -- is hitting .400!

So, I'm just going to get in the passenger's seat and let the Dodgers drive. They don't need my help. No more comments here about what the Dodgers should be doing or aren't doing. No more dispensing of advice. And if you're coming here for insight about the Dodgers on your fantasy team, or a quick gambling tip, then you are:

1. Going to be disappointed
2. The worst gambler in the history of time

I will say no more. Because the Dodgers don't need Longoria or Lincecum or Santana or Greinke. Hell, they don't even need Chuck Norris in a catcher's mask. Because they have Uncle Miltie!

Sheesh. Who am I to argue?


Anonymous said…
The same former Minnesota Twin Eric Milton? I always wondered what happened with him.
Mark Aubrey said…
...since Manny got himself suspendedWait. Weren't you just railing against people talking about how the Dodgers were doing since Manny left?

Not quite the same, but still...

And does Eric wear a dress?
night owl said…

I have a problem with people's assertions that Manny is the entire Dodgers team and that the team will flop without him. When people say that the Dodgers are the Nationals without Manny, that annoys me.

That doesn't mean I didn't have some level of concern about the team when he left. I'm a fan. Fans worry.

My problem with media types saying "the Dodgers are so-and-so since Ramirez was suspended" is that they interject it into EVERYTHING without any thought as to whether it's relevant or not. If you're talking about how the Dodgers' clean-up hitters are hitting .224 since Ramirez left, than yeah, OK, you can mention it. But babbling about it on every Dodger highlight, mentioning him after the Dodgers win 2-1 and the star of the show is a pitcher, that irks me. Context is important.

There's a "star mentality" in the media in which there's a tendency to mention the star on the team regardless of whether he has anything to do with the victory or not. I don't know how many Associated Press stories of read, in a variety of sports, in which the lead was about Terrell Owens or Alex Rodriguez and they didn't have squat to do with the outcome of the game.

That's what bothers me. I don't have problems with people mentioning Ramirez's absence. Just back up your damn statement.

As for Milton wearing a dress? He's got a career ERA of 5. It couldn't possibly hurt. But I don't know if he can tell jokes like Berle did.
Kevin said…
"They don't even need Chuck Norris in a catcher's mask."

Hold your tongue, sir! Matt Wieters will not stand for such sacrilege. 5.29.09 is Matt Wieters Day. Baseball is on notice. ;-)
Mark Aubrey said…
Thanks for clarifying.

Hey, did you hear that Manny's been suspended? And the Dodgers are doing okay without him.

Not many can tell jokes like Berle did. Maybe George Burns, Bob Hope or Groucho Marx.

But they didn't appeared in a Ratt music video.